Twenty- Malaria & Heatbreak

I turned twenty on Wednesday and I spent my entire birthday marveling at the last year of my life, in particularly, the last few months. Between nineteen and twenty I learned to be a teacher, a nurse, a mentor; I learned to love another with all of my heart and most of all... I learned to be a mother. I never could have imagined that at twenty years old I would be living miles away from home in a developing country and raising nine children. Within this past year I have learned some of the most important lessons through my travels and through my experiences. Although I have been apart of some amazing stories with brilliant endings, I have also had my fare share of tragedies. Being in this line of work, and being in a country that contains a mass amount of disease and poverty, people are going to die. You are going to hear and see things that will haunt you forever. As painful as some of these memories are, they are ones I never want to forget. These memories have taught me so much and continue to teach me today. From each experience, no matter how hard it was or how much it hurt, I took something from it, I learned from it.


Things that I have learned in this past year:

I've learned that Life is messy, it always will be. Things are going to happen that do not make sense but you have to learn to accept the changes that come your way and embrace life the way it is.

I've learned that you have to stop trying to change people. No one will ever change unless they want to change themselves. You will exhaust yourself in the process.

I've learned that it is important to spend more time with those you make you smile and less time with those who cause you to self-destruct or cause you pain.

I've learned to never tell someone that their dreams are impossible, because if you do not have faith in them, they will lose faith in themselves and one day they may prove you to be a fool.

I've learned that materialistic things will never bring happiness. True happiness comes from the little things in life. The things that touch our hearts and souls.

I've learned not to judge people, ever. You will never know all of the details of their lives and what they have endured throughout their life.

I've learned that if you want to feel rich, help others. It is the most rewarding thing in the world.

I've learned that even when you feel as if you can no longer go on… you can.

I've learn that loving someone doesn't always mean keeping them. Sometimes, it also means you have to let them go.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that when following your goals and dreams, there is no doubt that you are going to be disappointed along the way. People will always try to discourage you. Do not let them. These are merely bumps in the road and if you keep driving along, eventually you will reach your destination.

I've learned that what does not kill you will always make you stronger. Every time that you are faced with a difficult situation or something unplanned and unpleasant occurs in your life you will grow and learn from it.

I've learned that the people that truly love you are the ones that will be there when you hit rock bottom. They will love you even when you have lost your way and are unsure of how to get back on track. They will be there to lift you up and will support you no matter what decisions you may make in life. They will proudly stand by your side and encourage you to reach your full potential.

I've learned that when you feel like you have nothing, always remember there are always people with less than you. Go help them. You will develop a better understanding of how fortunate you truly are.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who do not even know you.

I've learned that when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, or even a complete stranger, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you love most are often taken from you too soon.

I've learned that sometimes you have to be your own hero. You cannot wait for someone else to save you or to make you happy. Your life is in your hands, only you know what to do with it.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different


These past two weeks have once again been difficult. For most of the week I was bedridden with a sevre fever and pain. I was diagnosed with Malaria, as well as Montanna. Malaria is a mosquito-borne infectious disease of humans and other animals caused by eukaryotic protists (a type of microorganism) of the genus Plasmodium. The protists act as parasites within red blood cells, causing symptoms that typically include fever and headache, in severe cases progressing to coma or death. Not only did I suffer from a fever and headache but also suffered from a chest infection, muscle pain, fatigue, spleen enlargement, the chills, loss of appetite, my skin became sensitive, and I had a great deal of pain in my eyes as Malaria can cause retinal damage due to the fact that the parisities actually feed off of the oxygen and nutrients in the eyes. I am not fully recovered yet but I am definitely feeling better and on the mend. Special thanks to Lesly and Brunache who have been taking care of both Montanna and I.

I had a great birthday. I spent most of the day at the orphanage with the kids and Montanna and Brandon bought me a birthday cake and some drinks. I have spent my past two birthdays in Haiti and I could not imagine spending them anywhere else. Although I had a fabulous time, I did receive some news that night that I was not expecting. A friend of mine from Haiti was visiting the states for a few months. I worked with him last summer at Hopital Espoir and he is an amazing nurse and a great friend. He was supposed to return the day before my birthday and I had not heard from him. On Wednesday I found out that he had suffered from a seizure and was brought to the hospital and had an MRI. They found a tumor in his brain. The tumor developed from eating pork in Haiti that contained parasites. He is still unable to return to Haiti as they as still waiting to see if they are going to operate or not. I am hoping and praying that he will have a quick recovery and that he will be able to return to Haiti soon. On top of that, I also received news that my Uncle was in the hospital in London and was not doing well.

Brandon and I left for Port Au Prince yesterday morning at 6am. We would be heading into Cite Soleil and await for my friend Brunache to pick us up and drive us to Petionville to meet with Emmanuel- a friend of Melissa Berman's who had raised money to buy things for Caleb's House. As I was standing in the middle of Cite Soleil (the poorest and most dangerous place in the world) being harassed by a group of men, I received a heartbreaking text message. Normally, I would never take out my cell phone when I am in Cite Soleil, but for some reason I chose to do it yesterday. Cite Soleil is scary and upsetting as it is and it is not a place where you want to receive bad news as you do not want to be distracted. I glanced down at my phone though as I tried to keep it hidden in my pocket and saw that I had a missed call and a text message. I read the message. It was from my Dad explaining that my uncle had passed away that morning. My Uncle Mark was suffering from liver disease. He was in the hospital in London awaiting a transplant but his body became too weak and they had to remove him from the transplant list. Within a few days he developed an infection in his body and was unable to fight it. Uncle Mark was the most kind hearted man, always cared about his family, and had a great sense of humor. I wanted to cry, I wanted to just fall to the ground, but I couldn't, not there at least. As I was reading the message I had a guy in my face trying to make me buy things- sunglasses and some sort of bread. At that point I snapped and told him to go, I just wanted to be back home laying in my bed and crying into my pilow. Finally, my friend Brunache found us standing in the middle of the Cite Soleil bus station and picked us up. As soon as I got into the car he could tell something was wrong. I called my Dad as soon as the car door was shut and was finally able to break down and cry. I wanted to go home that very second. I wanted and still want to be with my family desperately. Its moments like these that make it so difficult to be so far away from home.

As I am sitting here at a beautiful hotel in Petioville enjoying a delicious breakfast and overlooking Port Au Prince and the surrounding mountains, I can't help but feel a sense of calmness. This is the side of Haiti that most people will never see. I am still wishing to be home and to be with my family, but I know I am meant to be here, I know my Uncle Mark is looking over me and I know he will always be with me even if I cannot make it home right now. Heaven definitely gained another angel yesterday. Praying for my family and praying that they will find love and strength during this difficult time. Love and miss you all.

Please also pray for Brandon, Seanna, and myself as we are heading into the heart of Cite Soleil this afternoon to find a boy that was being looked after by Seanna's friends who have been arrested and are stuck in Hatian jail. We are unsure if the boy has even had a meal in weeks. Hoping we can find him there !! This is going to be some adventure. Fingers crossed that we make it out alive !!