Ke Kontan

Ke Kontan

Sunday 3 June 2012

From the Heart..

She was 19 years old and it was the first time that she had truly loved anyone. For the longest time she did not believe she would ever fall in love, but despite their age gape and their many differences, she was. Completely head over heels.

In her eyes he was perfect, even though many people warned her of his flaws. He played the guitar and sang straight to her heart. He wasn't so hard on the eyes either. But for her that wasn't it. That is not what made her fall in love. When she was with him she could be herself; she could laugh with him; she could be completely silly; yet, when it was time to be serious or when something was wrong, she could lay in bed with him for hours having the deepest conversations that she had ever had with another being. She told him things that she had never told another. She let down her walls and opened her heart. They talked about their pasts, spoke about their present, and dreamed about their futures together. She felt this unbreakable connection and it scared her. He made her blush and giggle by saying things that only she would find funny. He made her heart flutter when he looked at her and made her heartache when they were apart.

They were far from being "perfect" for each other. She knew that it would be a challenge to maintain a relationship, but she was willing to fight for it. Although things were more than complicated, she could see a beautiful future full of laughter and love with him.

But she was stuck. She had two choices; either move to Haiti and live her dream and follow her passion or stay in a small town and fight for someone she truly loved - but the second option seemed like an uphill battle that she would never win. She could not force someone to love her back. Her heart was pulling her in two different directions and she knew she had to chose one. As hard as it was, her heart chose Haiti- she could see so many great possibilities and great things to come in Haiti where she knew she would just run her heart dry if she remained in the small town by trying to convince a man she loved him when he just would not believe it.

Leaving him behind nearly tore her apart. At first, it was only going to be for a year or two. She could do that. She would then come back to Canada, finish her University, and continue fighting for the man she loved. But then she became a mamma and she began to let more people into her heart. Everything then became a lot more complicated. She finally came to terms that she had to stay in Haiti. That was no problem, it would be hard, but she decided to hold onto her love because remaining full and comfortable was so much easier than dealing with the hurt and the emptiness that she would feel if she let go.

She begged and prayed that he would come to Haiti or that somehow they could figure out a way to make things work. But even though he fully supported her work in Haiti and stayed in contact with her when she made the official move, he never seemed too interested or able to envision himself living the life that she embraced. He had his own life in Canada and his own dreams to follow. She wanted so badly to live in both worlds, but it became impossible. Her eyes were opened and her life had made drastic changes within the first few weeks of living in Haiti. She couldn't pretend to be the same person anymore. She knew that she had to let go. She knew it was time to realize that she could not have both things that her heart longed for.

Even though he was not with her physically, he still made her glow with happiness as she walked through her new life as a single mother covered in dirt and constantly facing new obstacles. Even though they were miles apart he was still someone he could talk to about anything. He believed in her when everyone else told her that what she was doing was unrealistic or stupid, he cheered her on, and he picked her up when she became too weak to carry on. Seeing his name come up on her phone turned the worst days into the best.

Her heart ached, she cried, and she became somewhat depressed. But her nine children gave her the love and strength to carry on. Even though she knew that it was time to let go, it did not mean that she loved him any less. She still prayed every night that somehow they would cross paths again.

Some nights she cried her eyes out, to the point where she could hardly breathe. She missed him and just wish she could curl up beside him after a tough day. She wondered if she could ever love anyone like that again, she wondered if she would forever be alone. But every time she thought that, she was reminded that she wasn't alone, that her children would make her just as happy as a single mother covered in dust and dirt. They reminded her that they appreciated her and that they also believed in her when no one else did. They picked her up and gave her the strength when she felt to weak to carry on. They possessed the power to turn her worst days into the best with a kiss on the cheek or when they fell asleep in her lap. They would always be faithful to her and their love would be unconditional. They reminded her that they would never leave or forsake her and that they would make all things new; including her shattered heart. They filled her heart with so much love and joy and even though she still feels pain and a sense of loss.. she is complete. Her children have given her more than she could have ever imagined. She has now allowed nine little people into her heart and they possess every piece of it. Her heart is now in their little hands.

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