Love knows no language..

I used to think that there was a rule book on how to live life and that people were judging me for not doing it right. I thought that if I did not live by the "normal" Canadian standards, I would not succeed in life. But now I have realized that there is no wrong or right way to live. There is only your way, the way that you see as fit, the way that meets your standards. I realized that the only thing that will allow me to fail at this life is if I allow fear to get in the way of doing what I need to do to be happy. So a few months ago I decided to get out of my own way, and I decided to finally live.

I didn't hate Canada or University; I just so desperately missed the country in which I had fallen so deeply in love with. I missed the children and the new friends that I had made. I missed the sense of belonging and the joy I felt when a child that had nothing would look at me and smile. I missed the challenges and the developing country lifestyle. Looking back now, I believe that during my time in Canada, I was trying my best to live a life that I was not intended to live. I wanted to obey my parents, but what they expected of me did not line up with what I was meant to be doing. This is not to say that my time in Canada was a complete waste or that indulging into University life was not necessary; or that I was not blessed beyond belief by all of the resources I was entitled to and the wonderful people that surrounded me. Because I was, I had more than I could ever ask for. I had just the right people in just the right places, at just the right time. Some people helped me to just get through each day on a practical level, some helped me fundraiser and allow my dreams to flourish, some like my best friends- Montanna, Rick, Brock, Dakota, Candice, and the man that I had fallen so deeply in love with just helped to hold my head and console me when I needed it most, even if they didn't necessarily understand.

I finally came to a point in my life where it no longer mattered to me what the world said, it did not matter that almost none of the people closest to me believed in what I was doing, or believed that I would be able to succeed. It did not matter what they said anymore because I chose to stop caring, I chose to put my heart first for once. I chose to do this, I chose to be here, in Haiti, because this is exactly where I belong. I feel a sense of worth here, that I am actually doing something useful with my life. I feel more love here then I have ever felt. My children have given me more then I can ever give them.



I never knew that I could be so happy with so little. That I could sleep on a mattress on the floor and be covered in cockroaches and sweat and still wake up in the morning feeling a sense of joy. I never knew that I could eat the same food everyday- rice, chicken, beans, and spaghetti, and be content with that. I never imagined that I would be okay with doing laundry by hand or be okay with not having electricity or running water. I never imagined that I would be living like this, but as hard as it is some days, I love it. Everyday is a new adventure and I have realized now that adventure is the best way to learn. I have learned that no matter what, no matter how hard things get, we can survive. Humans are built to survive. I am surrounded daily by the most beautiful and resilient people that I know. Living like this requires a lot of laughter, you have to look at the situation you are in and instead of feeling sorry for yourself or wishing you had more, you just have to laugh... A LOT. And you have to love even more.

We are still looking for land and trying to figure out future plans for Caleb's House. Some good news is that we FINALLY have a table !!! We purchased some wood and a friend of ours made us a big enough table to sit around and eat as a family- right now we are in the process of making benches. Also, we now have a fridge. Yesterday my friend from Port Au Prince dropped it off at the orphanage, I am so excited to use it, however, we are still waiting to purchase a generator. The past few days have been beach and ice cream days as it has been very hot. Last night the older girls had a party at their school so I gave them money to buy new shirts and sandals to look their best for their party. They came back so excited and showing off everything they bought. They looked absolutely beautiful. Although things have been difficult, we are managing. We are staying positive. Everyday I need to remind myself "if it's supposed to happen, it will". I am overwhelmed by the amount of support and encouragement we are receiving. I cannot express enough my appreciation for the people that are donating, offering words of wisdom or advice, or simply just sharing my blogs and spreading the word. As stressful as these days are, I am very excited to see what our future holds for us. I know that no matter what, I have these kids. And that is more than enough for me. My only desire is to give these children the lives that they deserve, I want to help them succeed in life, and I want to help them chase their own dreams. I want them to grow up feeling loved and knowing how to love others. I want them to have the passion to help others and to care for their own country. I want these kids to not simply just exist, I want them to live.

Haiti is in need of the most basic rights of life, and the only way to ensure that they obtain them, is to be here, to stay here, and to help in any way that you can. We all need to work together. We need to give Haiti the love and support that they deserve. Change one life, make one person smile, offer a hand to someone's suffering, and that will begin a wave for others to help as well. That will be the beginning of a change to come.