Dekole, Ole, Ole...

Sitting in Miami airport .. It is currently 6:12 pm and in 2 hours I will be headed home to the great north and strong. It seems that whenever the plane begins to descend to touch down on Florida grounds, my heart races and my eyes fill with tears. It happens every time I leave Haiti. And for these last couple trips I keep asking myself why ? Why at that exact moment do I feel as if my entire body was hit by a freight train. I still don't fully understand it but maybe I'm not meant to. I think a part of it has to do with finally realizing I'm away from my comfort zone, that I'm missing my babies and Haitian family already, that I'm anxious to see my Canadian family, but most of all because I know that every time I leave, a part of me changes. I know that when I return home I will not be the same person I was when I left a few short months ago. And I know that when I return to Haiti I will have also changed. Going home to Canada is where I have time to stop, reflect on my absolutely crazy and chaotic life on the small Caribbean island, and it really makes me realize how ungrateful I once was as my small childish self took everything for granted. Stepping back into the house I grew up in brings back memories that flood my mind .. Good and bad. In my small town im bound to see the people I have eliminated from my life due to fall outs, heartbreaks, or just for obvious reasons and I'm also bound to see those who I have been trying not to eliminate but to put in the back of my mind .. As thinking of them while over seas hurts more then salt water in a cut. Going home is always mixed emotions. However, as like any thing that is difficult or uncomfortable in life .. You grow from it.

My heart aches leaving Haiti because I so desperately wish they could come up with a cloning machine so I could be in two places at once.. Instead .. My heart is stretched and pulled at both ends. I miss my babies, my Haitian family, friends, and my wee best friend already. Today has been one interesting day - forgot my passport and was stuck at the port au prince airport- thanks to Val who rushed over on a Moto with my passport (my life) in his hands. Make it just on time for my flight. Haven't been feeling well the past two days and of course as the plane jumps into the air my stomach jumps into my mouth. Thank god for the little bags they leave at the back of the seats. I slept most of the way to Miami and woke as the plane was beginning to touch down and while I fought with all my might to keep my raging emotions bottled inside. I got off the plane and headed to customs. I began to become frustrated with the customs officer as he wasn't understanding what I was saying - that was until I realized I was no longer in Haiti but the United States- a country that does not speak kreyol.. I now understand why he was looking at me as if I had 5 heads.

Anyways .. I'm here in Miami safe and sound with a crappy cold/sinus infection that my best friend so generously gave me (yes that's you Maeve). Although that heart of mine is being pulled in so many directions right now .. It begins to beat faster knowing that I get to see my baby brothers tonight !!! Can't wait to run and kiss them and hug them in the airport and of course embarrass them- something I am very talented at :)

Be back soon Haiti. Take care of my babes and my loved ones until I get back. & Canada .... Please be gentle tonight as I step out of the airport in my Capri pants and not make me into a human icicle.

Going back to listening to some jperry, kreyol-la and shaggy now and pretending I'm still under the hot sun dancing like beyonce (or pretending I'm beyonce and making a fool outta this blan) before reality hits me.

Love to you all.