These past three weeks has been a whirlwind of events starting with my kids all getting sick with colds, chest infections, and fevers to cholera rummaging through the tent camp near my house. My first week back consisted of 5 days without sleep, 3 days without a meal, and 2 days without a shower. It was constantly go, go, go. I didn't have time to even stop and think. Whenever an emergency arises my mind stays totally focused on that cause, nothing else. As soon as I would get into my room and about to lay on my bed, something else would come up where I had to dash out of the house in an instant. It was exhausting and draining, but something I have realized is that I truly love this lifestyle. I love being kept busy and always on the go. On top of everything else going on this past week, we received the call about Jodnise and Jodline's mother who had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy. However, she refused to hold him or breast feed him and as soon as I walked into the hospital room the Dr was laughing and said "congratulations". The hospital is not a sanitary hospital at all- the baby had not been bathed, the sheets had not been changed, and the poor mom was laying there completely naked. I spoke with the mother (who is only 18 & now has 3 children under the age of 2 years & no home) and told her that she needs to keep her baby. I told her I would help her when I can and that I will continue to care for her two twin daughters until she is able to get back on her feet (she also had a C section). She has asked me to be the Godmother of the new nameless baby boy- which I have agreed to do.
So back to the tent city issue- we had 13 people in the camp fall ill with Cholera within these past 2 weeks- including 2 children under the age of 2 years. It was terrible. I had people constantly coming to the gate letting me know that another was sick. After distributing rehydration salts, clean water, and fever reducers- I decided that still wasn't enough. That is when I met with my friend Lucho from the organization Give Love to discuss how we could improve their sanitary condition. They are currently going to the washroom (yes #2) in plastic bags and leaving those bags inside their tents. They wait until nightfall until they scurry from their tents and dispose of their waste on the streets. Well, this street is right in front of my house and is downhill- whenever they dispose of their waste and a rainfall occurs, it gets washed right back into their little community. The hard thing about this camp is that there are so many people enclosed into one tiny space therefore as soon as one becomes sick- the others do as well. Lucho and I decided that the most important thing right now is to create a hand-washing station for them to help prevent the spread of germs & bacteria, we have also discussed about putting in compost toilets as well. Lucho is a very busy guy but literally dropped all of his other projects for those 2 days and focused on this tent camp. He put his heart into and I admire the way he works. He not only gets the job done but also gets the community involved, we all worked together. After meeting with Lucho and discussing the potential project, he called me the very next day and asked if I was ready to head to the MSC store to purchase the supplies needed to build a hand-washing station. We jumped in his truck and we were on our way !!!! On the way there I received a call from Val about another baby that had fallen ill with cholera and was in serious condition. We got the supplies then I headed home to check up on the baby. She had been vomiting and had diarrhea for 3 days but the mom was too afraid to let me know- as cholera is something that is looked down upon in Haiti. I gave her rehydration salts and bottles of water and we kept her hydrated. Lucho and David (a friend of Lucho's who also does environmental work in Haiti) stayed up all night working in the dark on the hand-washing station. The next day they came to install it. We walked down to the tent camp and not only installed the hand-washing station but also sprayed the area with a natural product that rids of bacteria, as well as cleaned up a lot of the garbage and shovelled it into the back of Lucho's truck which he disposed of. It was a very long day, but also a very successful one indeed !!! I got really excited today when the men from the camp came over with the empty barrels to fill with purified water and asked for more handsoap. I am extremely pleased to inform everyone that the camp is improving day by day and we have only had 2 outbreaks this week !!!!!!!!
I have been thinking a lot lately about the lessons I have learned in Haiti and how when I first came here, I thought I knew so much.. when really.. I knew nothing. I look around at my life today and just simply laugh. I paused today in the midst of what I was doing and took a glance at all of the baby toys scattered all over our living room floor, how we have an entire refrigerator full of just baby bottles, how the two twins had spread apple pieces not only all over the ground- but also all over themselves and Tyson, how I am sitting here typing this blog while trying to entertain the two babies on my lap, and how all of this is just become so normal to me. When I first arrived in Haiti I knew next to nothing about the culture. I thought it was weird that people kissed each other on the cheek to greet one another, however now, when I return home I lean in for that kiss and have to stop myself reminding me that's not what we do in Canada. I thought that being so squished together in a taptap or on a bus was weird, but now I climb right on up and invite everyone into my personal space. I thought how people sang and danced in the streets was weird, now I absolutely love it and sometimes it even changes my entire day around. I thought that every child I passed on the street I had to give money too, but now I understand that sometimes it ends up doing more damage then good. Riding on the back of a moto with no helmet has become normal, holding three babies on my lap in the front seat of a car is normal, sitting in the pitch black trying to change a diaper is normal, having absolutely no privacy- even when showering as you constantly have kids entering your room asking you questions is normal, burning your trash in the backyard- including plastics is normal. Its funny how your definition of "normal" changes. I laugh now when volunteers come and are worried about bugs, bucket showers, trash on the ground, riding in vehicles with no seat belts, how you can drink prestige on the streets or in a car, how they get so frustrated when there is no power or running water... now I laugh and say TIH (This is Haiti). I am still learning more about Haiti every day as I am still naive about many things. But I do love this culture, I do love the lessons I have learned, and I do love what it has taught me about myself.
There has been some things weighing on my mind lately that I am really struggling with. I had an interesting conversation the other night with two of my Haitian friends, who managed to put some issues I've been having into perspective. They asked me if I went through culture shock when I arrived in Haiti, and wondered how I was able to adjust. I told them about my initial feelings and thoughts when I arrived (kind of what I stated above), and talked about what things were hardest for me to "get used to"- primarily it was the pollution and poverty that were so hard to get over. I explained to them how I've had to adjust to the level of dirt, grime, and overall unsanitary conditions you are faced with on a daily basis in Haiti, how people throw trash everywhere without seeming to care, and the huge disparities between the rich and poor, and how little involvement the government has in their people. It hurts me to see the lack of health care and education and how the value of life is so low. The first thing they said is "well you just have to get used to it and start shutting it out. You have too big of a heart Emily, you are just going to overwhelm yourself. If you get upset about these things you will be upset all the time because they aren't changing. In short; desensitize yourself". It was funny to hear them say that as the "desensitized" issue is what I have been struggling with the greatest. I have always reminded myself to never become bitter, to always keep my heart the same as it was when I first arrived, but now... taking a step back I have realized I have not been listening to myself or taking my own advice. I find my points of weakness are when the exhaustion hits. Driving around today and having volunteers ask questions I have realized I have become somewhat desensitized to the poverty around me. When I first arrived here, the begging children on the streets of Port Au Prince really shocked me and put me in a state of gloom. All I wanted to do was help those children. I was advised to never give money because then more children will come out of nowhere and it could lead to a riot in the street. I struggled with that for the longest time- the not giving. After spending more and more time here though I find myself getting annoyed with the beggers, which is really upsetting me. I think the desensitization is possibly a personal defence mechanism I have obliviously obtained through time against the feeling of being miserable and guilty 24/7. But I still am pissed at myself with becoming annoyed with the demands for money- as I truly know and believe that those people do need it more than myself and I can always spare a little change. I don't have any idea what it is like to be so desperate for the essentials. It's kind of a viscious cycle where we feel bad for the children, then get annoyed through our desensitization, then we feel miserable for having become desensitized. Can you choose the degree to which you are emotionally distanced? I know that no matter how desensitized I think I am, when someone comes to me with an issue- whether it be their health, their home, their food, their family- and I look into their eyes, I realize how wrong I am. Although I may be desensitized to the things around me, such as the enivronment, when it comes to human emotion or need- when I actually hear their stories and see their struggles and put myself into their shoes.. I don't think I will ever be able to become desensitized to that, I will never be able to ignore personal connections and the guilt I feel as once again my heart begins to ache and I get drawn back into the motion of rushing around trying to figure out what I can do to help them. So I guess my biggest goal right now is to stop trying to ignore what is going on around me- to still take it in- even if it does hurt and to grow from it like I did when I first touched down on the Haitian soil. I want to take more time getting to know people and their stories. My goal is to never become so desensitized that I stop making connections and stop helping those that need it the most.
Last Saturday I headed to Okap (Cap Haitian) with a few friends to participate in Haiti's annual carnival. I had gotten a taste for the Carnival this past summer when I spent an afternoon at the Flower Carnival in Port Au Prince- but man was I ever in for a surprise. It was the craziest, chaotic, yet the most amazing and exhilarating event I have ever attended. Haitians really do know how to party. Thankfully I had some connections that were able to get us up onto a stand and to visit the different floats instead of being trampled to death on the ground below. I can honestly say that this trip is one that will stick with me forever and thank you to all of my amazing friends that made this trip that much better !!!
My Dad is arriving in Haiti in two days and I am extremely excited. When he told me he was ACTUALLY coming this time I found myself with tears streaming from my eyes. I have been waiting for this day since I first started my volunteer work. I can't wait to show my Dad the side of Haiti he doesn't even know exists. I can't wait for him to meet the people that have stolen my heart and I am even more excited for him to meet my babies and understand why I have chosen to stay. Right now we have a rather large group of volunteers- 3 from my home town, and 3 that were previous volunteers. It is a full house !!! We spent the day yesterday in Cite Soleil at the school that Bridge2Haiti sponsors for a dance party. It was a blast especially with the Cyborg dance team. However, I am now resembling a lobster due to my sunburn. Which has added to my ongoing exhaustion. Today we spent the day at the beach with the kids and the volunteers- swimming, dancing, playing soccer, and enjoying a feast (and of course I remained in the shade) !!! On the 25th we have a family coming down that has sponsored the building of Tiny's house. I am really looking forward to finally getting this project started- and finished.
Well, I am exhausted and Tyson has finally cut his first tooth- which means there has been many recent sleepless nights and probably a few more to come. Sweet dreams.
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