Independent to Dependent

The thing about living in Haiti is you learn to roll with the punches.

Flight delayed? No problem. I’ll just go to the bar, grab a pinacolada.

Flight canceled? Well, ok. I will get on the phone and re-book on another flight if the airline doesn’t do so for me. I’ve even slept in an airport to catch a flight the next morning.

Luggage lost? No sugar coating this one, it just sucks. Plain and simple.

Car broke down? Head to the nearest restaurant, grab a beer, some ice cream, and some good food and wait until it's fixed.

Basically, I have learned you just do what you need to do to make it from Point A to Point B.

However, sometimes, there is only so much you can do. In reality, it is up to others most times to get you to your final destination.
Never has this rang more true than during my work here in Haiti.

There is such a feeling of panic that rushes over you when you are alone and feeling helpless, in the middle of the night, in a strange and foreign place, with no phone, no resources, nothing. This is when you rely on others the most. Although I am a very independent person and have always enjoyed doing things "my way" I have begun to realize that to accomplish anything worth while, it takes more than one.

The friends you make in Haiti are the ones that understand you best. They know your frustrations, they know how it feels to be living here, and they are the ones that can bring back the smiles to your face.

This past week I met with a long lost friend of mine who I worked with in a medical clinic last year. We have both been dealt a tough hand lately and have experienced some pretty horrid situations. I was feeling so down and discouraged but a cold prestige and some good laughs sure changed that quickly. It made me realize that I am not the only one struggling here or feeling alone. We talked and laughed for hours, we shared tears and stories, but most of all- we shared the same passion and stubbornness. She read quotes to me and a speech she read at a university. She kept reminding me that I was doing good work here in Haiti (something that I really needed to hear). She picked me up when I felt like the rest of the world was pushing me down. This is a time that I truly relied on another to keep me going and to show me the light. And she did just that. She shared a particular quote with me that one of our mutual friends wrote- it is completely brilliant "Haiti can break your heart, shatter it into a million pieces and yet still be the reason it beats" - Holli Griffiths

This quote sums up my exact feelings towards Haiti. Some days I hate the country, I get so frustrated and annoyed, I just want to runaway or simply just strangle people- Its kind of like the feelings you get towards a parent growing up- but no matter how frustrated or annoyed you get- you still love them more than anything. And you know that with the frustrations, you are being taught the most important lessons.

I have been thinking a lot lately about us folks that work and live here in Haiti together and about the pressures we feel daily. It is hard being here, not just because of the suffering, corruption, and struggles we experience, but also because of the expectations that one holds. Everyone back home assumes you have to be a complete saint and they put you so up high on pedal stool that I think some of us begin to lose touch of ground (a.k.a sanity). And it's so wrong. We are just every day people chasing our dreams and following our passions. We make mistakes like the rest of you, we curse when we step in a pile of crap or when a man makes kissing noises at us on the streets, we grab a drink when we've had a long day, and sometimes we forget our kindness at home and begin to feel bitter. We are not perfect, but it seems like some of us run ourselves dry trying to be. I think that's what causes so many people to lose sight of reality here. I have often teetered between sanity and tears- and thankfully, during those times where I don't know up from down- it's my friends, my family, and my kids that smack me back to reality and make me realize that this is where I belong and bring me back to focus.

I have currently bit off more than I can chew- helping a tent city, running an orphanage, organizing a medical clinic, and doing loads and loads of paperwork on top of that. I have been amazed though by the amount of people that have stepped up and offered their assistance. Without Rigan Louis and Val, I would have not been able to pull off the tent city distribution. Without Sarah, Christian, Rigan, Mitho, Dr Gaspar, and others- I would not be able to pull off the medical clinic. I would also like to thank all of you who have donated supplies towards our upcoming medical adventure !! Also big thanks to Phil Salomon for his support and advice for the orphanage. This week I have been overwhelmed by kindness and support. All of you have kept me laughing when I have felt like crying- especially you Sarah Griffith & our mossie net & tarp dresses for my upcoming wedding- sexy scrubs- to our talks about "typical" blans and who you will be bringing along with you on your trip. As well as for my friends back in Canada that keep me sane and give me a little taste of "home".

“The human race, in all it's poverty, has only one truly effective weapon- laughter. Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”- Mark Twain