I started out writing this post, giving the facts of the hurricane and trying to put into words the feelings of my heart the past few days- but I am unsure of how to exactly do that. I felt anger within me when I heard of all of the coverage that the United States was getting about Hurricane Sandy, I know it is devastating there, but what about Haiti? What about the country that doesn't have the means or the funds to rebuild. What about the country that has confirmed 65 dead and has rapid cholera outbreaks due to flooding? The States is a developed enough country to recover, they have buildings and homes that are more likely to withstand the storms, they have proper health care. And then I felt sickened when I heard people complaining about the electricity going out- all I could think of was "welcome to reality". These past few weeks have been the most difficult for me yet, although I have tried to keep quiet. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel things so deeply, I wish I didn't care as much, and sometimes I wish I could just sit back and watch instead of getting involved with every thing that tugs at my heart. Life would be so much easier. I think that this part of my personality actually hurts me the most. I wish I was stronger, I wish I could say no to people, but then I realize that if I wasn't all of these things, if my whole body, mind, and spirit didn't thoroughly feel and over analyze every situation, then I wouldn't be where I am today. I think I am finally beginning to feel drained- emotionally, mentally, and physically. I am exhausted.
Today I spent my day walking through the tent city across the street from us. It has been something that has been weighing on my mind since Hurricane Sandy arrived. But I was unsure of how I could help and I didn't know how welcoming they would be of a "blan" walking through their tent community. Needless to say, I felt the need to help these people or at least offer them something. As I walked up the the entrance I was greeted by four people- the committee of the camp. I was completely surprised by their behaviour as the "committee" expressed to me their appreciation for whatever I can do for them. I was expecting fighting, begging, and hostility, however, it was the complete opposite. They welcomed me into their community and homes with open arms and explained each of their situations to me. I made a list of everyone's name- phone numbers- and ID numbers and then prioritized the list- with the most needy being at the top. I explained to them that my heart has told me that I need to do this. I told them that I will do what I can, when I can, however, I don't have much to offer. Every single person in this camp suffered from Hurricane Sandy. Each and every one of their houses did not withstand the storm. They explained to me how their houses broke, where their tarps became loose, where they slept that night, and that they were all wet and cold and lost a lot of their belongings. The elderly lady that is the head of the camp completely won my heart over. She is the most honest and sweet lady and she really cares about the people within her community. We agreed to help each other, to watch each others backs, and to prepare this camp for the next natural disaster that comes rummaging through. Val and Rigan Louis assisted me with this project. After sorting the list, Rigan and I headed to La Saline to buy tarps. We spent over 3hrs just in traffic, but we did end up buying 10 tarps for $200 US. This will at least be a start in aiding the 33 families that are living there. We will start with replacing the tarps that greatly need repairing and hopefully the funding will come through so we can also provide the others with a safe, and dry home.
Rigan and I have decided that we will also assist the tent city medically and we will be putting on a small medical clinic within the camp this coming weekend as fevers, scabies, and colds are rapid right now. On top of all of this, we are also putting together a mobile medical clinic in the south for the weekend of Nov. 10th. We have got a few people together and still in the process of collecting supplies, but both Rigan and I have been wanting to do this for quite some time, and now is the perfect opportunity and a time when it may be needed most. Although we know it is going to be exhausting and frustrating at times and that it is going to be a very busy next few days organizing, we both are very excited to take on this challenge. If anyone has any medical supply contacts within Haiti please send me an email- emily@himeforhelp.org
One of the biggest challenges of living in a third world country on a long term basis is not to become bitter. To make sure that you keep loving, caring, and understanding people each day. Because the poverty is not diminishing. There will always be folks outside my gate, there will always be children begging on the streets. And its difficult because they look at me and see hope, they know that I come from a world where things come easily to us. They look at my skin and see wealth, freedom, and a chance to escape. And I wish this wasn't so. I wish I could offer them all shelter, jobs, and security... but I can't. Not being able to provide these things and witnessing this type of suffering daily, really does take a toll on you. I find it difficult driving down the street and looking into a man, woman, or child's eyes who are hungry or injured and not to roll down the window and give them my spare change. It has been very hard for me to adjust to this as most Haitians will warn you not to do this. And I do understand the precautions that need to be taken when handing out money or items- as riots and fights usually break out. But I guess it's just... I came here to help Haitians, not one specifically, but everyone as a whole. It's hard to chose who to help and who to leave behind. I reflect on my day at night and often wonder if I have actually let more people down than the number of people I helped. My insomnia begins when the faces I have passed that day, those who had reached out their hands to me, become vivid images in my dreams. When I see these kids, I tell myself "No, Emily, don't do it", yet I find my hand digging deep into my pocket or my purse. It is a constant battle between my head and my heart.
One of my boys asked me today "Why are you helping those people?" (Wendel, 8 yrs). I responded "for the same reason that I am helping you, because everybody needs to know that someone cares about them and these people aren't as lucky as you are right now, they don't have a nice house, a bed to sleep on, or enough food to eat, and some of the children have no toys to play with". He looked down at the ground and then asked "Do you think I can go with you tomorrow to visit them?". Later on I went upstairs to the boys room and found all three of them sitting on the floor with toys scattered around them and asked if they can give some of their toy cars to the kids in the camp. I couldn't help but smile. My children never seize to amaze me.
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