Ke Kontan

Ke Kontan

Thursday 10 January 2013

Haiti Withdrawals...

Two years ago, Haiti was just a place on a map to me. I knew what everyone else knew – about the earthquake, about the number of people killed and displaced, about what a tough time the Haitians have been through and were continuing to go through.

But now, having been to Haiti numerous times and officially giving up my past life and moving to the small Caribbean island, it means something completely different to me. Haiti is my home away from home, full of people that I love and admire. Haiti is where I work and dream and hope. Since my first expedition to Haiti, I received many comments and strange looks whenever I mentioned my intention to one day return to the country. If only they knew how totally serious I really was. I came away from Haiti blessed with an indescribable spiritual connection to it's presence that has since left me unsettled in my everyday life here in Canada. On a very subliminal level, I felt as though I left a part of me on the island. But I don't mean that as in a sense of loss - quite the opposite in fact. I've gained something intangible, something you cant buy with a stack of bills or a pocket full of change. I've gained or rather been granted an honourable opportunity to return to this country and to start a new chapter in my life. If I'm honest, I've never really felt a 'connection' to my home country (the place where I was born) and after experiencing something so powerful as Ghana and Haiti, I already know that I'll never be able to settle in life until I 'settle' where I'm connected - and that will be home.

Yes- I am currently at "home" in Canada. And yes.. it is absolutely freezing. I love seeing the snow but I don't love the constant shivers and not being able to feel my fingers and toes. This trip home has been a lot easier than the last, I am not as angry and annoyed by people complaining about foolish things or how much we take for granted here. Although, something is still missing. I am enjoying all of the time I get to spend with my family and friends, I enjoy singing and jamming out with my friends, and I enjoy rolling around in the snow.. but there is still a void. In Canada I don't feel like my whole self, a part of me is missing. I find myself thinking too much- something I wasn't really able to do in Haiti. I also find myself very bored. It feels like I have all the time in the world here as where in Haiti I was constantly on the go. I feel useless- and it's the worst feeling in the world. I am itching to get back to Haiti and to see my babies, however, I no longer have a say in when I can return. I have been asked to say to see a tropical and infectious disease specialist in London. I am not too concerned- I am more concerned about getting back to Haiti. The worst part is the uncertainty and not knowing when I can hold my babies again. I am going through horrendous baby withdrawals.

After being here for 2 1/2 weeks the culture shock is starting to wear off a little bit. I still crumple paper money up in a wad like the Haitians do, kiss people on the cheek when I greet them, and I am still getting used to seeing so many white people- for some reason it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its strange that I can just hop in my car and drive wherever I need to go- from one end of my city to the other- within 15 mins. And that I can do laundry whenever I want. Something that really shocked me was remembering that I can actually drink tap water here !!! Usually people go through culture shock when they leave the comfort and familiarity of their surroundings to go to another environment. One would think that the worst culture shock for me would be when arriving in Haiti, but it's the complete opposite.. if that makes any sense. The culture shock gets me is as soon as I finish the first leg of my trip back to Canada and land in Florida. All of a sudden I am thrown back into the culture that I was born into and a culture that is part of the fabric of who I am. You would think this culture would bring the comfort of normalcy since it is what I am accustom to. However, it brings me great uneasiness and as I sit in the airport my patience runs thin and my homesickness for Haiti begins.

My life in Haiti is far from normal. Life there represents the abnormal. Problems that we face, challenges that we have, and the solutions are all fundamentally different than I would have ever thought possible. But I love it. I love the challenges, the struggles, the frustrations but most of all.. I love the adventure !!! I love how you never know what is going to be thrown at you each day. I love waking up to 8 little people that I love and who love me unconditionally. I miss riding down the drive way on skateboards, bandaging scraped knees and cut open toes every hour, I miss hide n go seek and playing "What Time is it Mr. Wolf?", I miss my Haitian friends and family. I miss the mountains, the cool breeze during a really hot day, I miss legumes and bouillon, I miss moto's and goats and even the chickens that are confused at what time it is and insist on making noise all through the night, to break it down for you... I MISS HAITI.

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