Have less. Do More. Be More.

It seems as if the struggles and frustrations are finally beginning to pay off. What we have been fighting so hard for since returning to Haiti is now within reach. On Tuesday we had an unexpected visit from Norens, Don, and Neika's father. He made the trip from Port Au Prince, and we had no idea he was coming. He had not visited the children in three years and the children were hesitant to visit with him. They hid behind us or in their bedroom for most of his stay. Although they were mad with him, as any child would be if they were neglected by their parent, after talking to him I realized his love and concern for his children. We talked for about an hour with the judge and I had a friend translate. The father was unable to feed the children or clothe them and he wanted them to have a good education which was another thing he could not provide. He told us that he cannot take the children home and asked if they could stay with us. His other concern was that we will send them back or abandoned them once they reach the age of eighteen. We assured him that we will continue caring for and assisting them throughout their lives if they need it. We want to make sure all of our children have a good education and a secure job. After an hour or two of discussions, their father signed a paper with the judge and granted us complete guardianship of all three children. As sorry as I felt for the father, I was also overcome with a sense of joy as I had officially just become the mother of three children. At moments I wanted to scream with excitement, at others I wanted to cry. It was overwhelming and a lot to take in.. but I knew it felt right. I still have to tell myself that I am not dreaming and that this is "real".

On top of the guardianship of the three children, I also had another unexpected visit from Wendel's uncle. I was informed that his mother had passed away and his father abandoned him after his mothers death. He also stated that he would like to sign over the guardianship of Wendel to us. We are meeting with the Judge on Saturday to complete the paperwork. I cannot even express how excited I am. Although I love ALL of my children, Wendel holds a special place in my heart. He is the smallest child, very lethargic, but he has a huge heart. He was the first one to call me Mamma. Every night Wendel falls asleep on my lap or in my arms. When I finally put him into bed he cries as I go to leave. I have to lay with him and hold his hand until he is passed out so I can quietly creep out of the room. He comes to me whenever he is sick or hurt. He is my baby.

Things are still difficult here as the staff are supposed to be moving out tomorrow. Everyone has been on edge, but we now have our first volunteer here to visit which has lightened things up !!! Brandon is going to be staying with us for a month and helping out around the orphanage. I think he will keep our mind off of the stresses and give us different perspectives on certain situations.

Today we spent all day at the beach with the kids as we attended a field trip for Norens, Elmine, and Christina. However, we felt guilty when the other children could not come so we decided to wait at the orphanage with them and hire a separate tap tap to bring the rest of the children too. We danced, sang, had a good meal, and then cooled off in the water. There were so many people there, the majority of course being children. Tomorrow is move out day for Herve and Marie Andre and also our laundry day !! - does not sound so exciting.

Through all of the challenges and frustrations, my eyes are being opened to a whole new world and way of living. Everyday I have spent in Haiti has been beautifully overwhelming; everywhere I look are human needs and brokenness on display, begging for someone to meet them, fix them. There is a growing population of children who need a soft place to rest their heads and meals to fill their bellies because either their parents have died or they are too poor to care for their children, or because they have been abandoned and left on the streets to fend for themselves. There is a need for basic education in matters of hygiene and sexual behaviour which could reduce disease and improve their day to day lives. I find it next to impossible to fall asleep at night. I think about these things as I lay in bed exhausted, devastated, and angry that people have been suffering like this while I had lived an extravagant life for the past nineteen years. Many of the people that have been suffering are my friends or my children. They are girls and boys that I know personally because I laugh with them when they are happy and dry their tears when they are sad, hurt, afraid, or sick. I feed them, give them their medications, and bandage their wounds. They are not anonymous, they are not statistics; they are people I care for and love, and I only want the best for them as any friend or parent would.

I didn't come to Haiti with a degree in education; I am not a nurse, or a teacher, and I am not a missionary. I had absolutely no idea what was involved with running an orphanage and frankly did not contain the business knowledge or organizational skills required to do so. I was in no way qualified. But I am here, and I am doing it. The biggest misconception is that you must be qualified in something to travel and to volunteer. However, you do not need a degree or a profession in anything. I have realized that the adventure is the best way to learn. All you need is a heart and a desire to help those in need. A degree is not required to show love or to pick up a child and hug them or tickle them as they burst into laughter. Although you may not think that something as simple as showing a child affection is enough, it is more then enough to them, and I can assure you that it will be the most rewarding thing you ever do. Here, the smallest gestures are appreciated. Here, the smallest gestures are the most rewarding. This is raw, but real life. This is what everyone needs to see and to feel. People back home feel sorry for themselves and rot away in their own sorrows, but they have no idea what people around the world are facing EVERYDAY. You may hate your life, while some people can only dream of having your life.

Well, I am suffocating from heat as I sit on the top bunk with Wendel fast asleep by my side (guess he got bored of watching me type) so I am going to put him to bed and then head to bed myself. Tomorrow is Flag Day in Haiti and the children do not have school. Should be a busy day!!!! Bon nuit Zanmi's.