My heart is aching..

Two years ago today, a hurricane ravished the small Caribbean island of Haiti.  It killed 220,000 people and injured more than 300,000.  It left ruble in the streets, fear in the people's eyes, and scars not only on the bodies of the Haitians, but also on their hearts.
200,000 orphaned children live in institutions.  The rest are fostered, live with relatives, or are street children.  For thousand of families and orphans, their home is now a tent city with a small eight foot by eight foot leaking tarp structure.  Each time it rains, the strong winds, or the blistering heat radiates, their new reality sets back in.  The tragedy is widespread, the fear is real.  Yet, in the midst of all this chaos and despair... there is hope.

This past summer I was fortunate enough to spend a few months in this devastated, yet beautiful country.  My draw dropped when the plane hovered over Port Au Prince.  I had seen pictures, I had watched videos, but to see it with your own eyes is indescribable, it leaves you at a loss for words.  My heart ached as I walked out of the plane and was greeted by the wave of heat, and even more so when driving through the heart of Port Au Prince and passing the numerous tent cities along the roadside.  It was like I froze, that for a period of time I didn't know who I was.  I guess you could say it was an outer body experience.  I was sitting in the back of a tap tap, yet I longed to be running through the camps hugging and helping as many people as I could.  Even looking back now, it still brings tears to my eyes, and I still feel a tug in my heart for all the people I had passed, for all of the people that I wanted to help, but couldn't.

I began my journey at OREA Orphanage.  I connected with every single child there, and I can honestly say that I love them as if they are my own.  My heart is still in Haiti with them.  Not a single day passes where I do not think of my babies and long to be with them.  They are all so strong and mature beyond their years.  They have all endured pain and loss, yet they still smile, laugh, play, and love.  All of the children have remarkable stories, however, there are a couple that really stick out in my mind and amaze me.

Soraya is six years old.  Both of her parents were killed in the earthquake.  Soraya was found under ruble and beneath her dead mother's body eighteen hours after the earthquake struck.  She went that entire time without food or water, and without anyone to hold and console her.  She is now an orphan. She has her days where she won't talk.  She will just go into deep stares.  It killed me to see her that way, I was always wondering what was going through her mind.  But I think I had a pretty good idea.  She also had her good days, where she would just sit and laugh and make funny noises and faces. I taught her to go cross eyed, how to say her ABC's in English, and also how to dance like a white girl ;)  (She is an amazing little dancer, she made fun of the way I danced and I often caught her imitating me and laughing as she did).

Yvenson is now three years old.  His mother was killed in the earthquake.  After his mother died, his father found a new wife and decided that he no longer wanted to care for Yvenson.  Yvenson was left on the streets of Port Au Prince to fend for himself.  When he was finally rescued he was literally skin and bones.  Not only was he malnourished but he also had Cholera, a deadly disease.  He is known as the miracle child.  No one thought he was going to live.  But he did.  He has has battled with Cholera twice now.  He cries often, and loves to be held.  He called me "mama".  He was my little follower.  He always snuck kisses when I wasn't looking.  And quite often urinated on me as well :p Due to the trauma that the children experienced, it is really hard to potty train them.

 I spent a great deal of time working with Rigan Louis at Hospital Espoir and traveling to his hometown of Leogane to visit his family and begin the repairs on his house which was damaged in the earthquake.  Walking through that town was breath taking.  I saw all of the beautiful buildings that were now fallen.  Rigan took me on a tour and pointed out where everything used to be... I couldn't believe it.  EVERYTHING was gone. Rigan Louis showed me where his high school used to be, whic had a soccer stadium. It is now being used as a tent city. Rigan's family is still living in tents. They are terrified to enter the house in case another earthquake strikes. Rigan is currently working on rebuilding his home so his family can move back in. I remember playing soccer with the boys in Leogane. They created a soccer net with two tree branches and a piece of rope as the top of the net. They are so creative. A lot of people gathered in the area to watch the match. I had the time of my life and loved hanging out with the kids and getting to know them. After the soccer match we all gathered in a little tin hut where they had put a television in so the children could watch the soccer games. They charged people to come and watch. It was like a little movie theater, but nothing like you could ever imagine. The devastation was mind blowing, something I cannot put in words, but I also saw hands lifted, greatful hearts, and smiling faces. My friends in Haiti are the strongest and hardest working people I know.

I could go on and on about my experiences in Haiti and all of the things, and people, that have impacted and changed my life.  Right now I would like to take the time to show my appreciation to one particular individual who deserves a lot of recognition.  My friend, Rigan Louis.  This is his story:

Rigan was born and raised in Leogane, Haiti.  Early in life, he had a goal of becoming an engineer.  He excelled in math, physics and also chemistry.  However, for some reason he was asked to attend a nursing school. After spending a year on trying to decide what to do, he finally agreed to go.  He did well in nursing school but often found himself questioning why he was there.  He often become upset with himself, thinking he chose the wrong path.  Especially since many of his friends were becoming engineers or doctors.  “I was fighting against God's desires, because sometimes it's really hard to know what God wants you to do and you stay where you want but not where God wants or where you supposed to be, that was my struggle for a long time”.

On January 12, 2010 (a day that Rigan refers to as the "darkness day") he was at the nursing school from 1pm-4pm.  He was working in the library on something that he wanted to prepare for Hilda (the Dean of the shcool) that he wanted to share with the senior nursing school on Monday.  Before leaving the library he also spoke with Angela- a graduate nurse from the nursing school that Rigan attended.  After spending a long day researching in the library, Rigan was exhausted.  However, like most days when Rigan was tired after a long day of work or school, he went to play soccer.  He left the nursing school (FSIL) and stopped by his house to grab his soccer stuff.  He decided to ride his bike to the soccer field.  Normally it would take Rigan ten minutes to get to the soccer field on his motorcycle, it was unusual that he decided to ride his bike that day since it would be a really long ride. "But that day I wanted to ride my funny bike without knowing why."  It was about 4:45 PM when Rigan found himself riding his bike down a road the he normally does not take.  "I could see a lot of “voodoo” temples (places where voodoo priest's makes their rituals) And all of a sudden, one of the priest's called me and asked me to let him try my bicycle. With no fear, no question, I give him the bike and I was watching him ride my bike, after he came and asked my name".  He then asked Rigan about his faith in God and Rigan began to tell him about the bible.  Rigan asked him about the significance of the pictures that he saw on the walls of his temple.  It took Rigan about ten minutes to continue his way to the soccer field.  He began riding faster because he noticed he was going to be late, and he really wanted to play.  “It’s strange, why I left FSIL at 4:00 with the destination to go to play soccer at the soccer field. And why I took my bike but not a motorcycle,( take more time). And why this voodoo’s priest wanted to stop me in my way to try my bike.”  Approximately four minutes later Rigan could see the soccer field.  "I was close, I was talking with a friend in front of his house, where I always go to change before playing".  Rigan was about to enter his friends house when an old woman said in Creole "kouran mezanmi kouri!!!” that’s mean in English: “everybody get out of here, the electricity!!”.  "I do the best to run to leave my position, but it was very difficult cause it was like something wanted to push me away and another to hold me. Two seconds later I could see the house collapsed and the heart was opening, I could feel the earth shaking intensely and I heard people crying loudly from fear or from injuries".  Rigan was on the road next to the soccer field. He lived in this nightmare for 45 seconds, although, it seemed a lot longer.  "I couldn’t understand what was happening. First I thought about the end of the days...It's true, I didn't have any fear".  Two minutes after the 7.3 magnitude earthquake, Rigan was at the soccer field. "I was the first there; the after shocks came immediately after the first minute. A few minutes later I saw some people coming at the soccer field; crying, dirty, some safe and some with big injuries. I was the only one that was clean between them. One of them, a Christian, was talking about the revelation from the Bible, the apocalypse."  Rigan began to have a little fear when he noticed the water emerging from the wells and also from the earth.  It made him think of the movie 2012 and he figured that the earthquake was occurring all over the world.  "I took my phone trying to call home and I found no signal from my network, I was very afraid for them, my family. I remember I left my cousins, my brother’s wife, my brothers and some friend watching TV inside the house."  Within five minutes there were over 100 people at the field.  "It was serious".  Some were standing with little cuts, and some were lying with real injuries.  Some experienced no trauma but were covered in dirt.  Rigan had asked everyone to sit in the middle of the field to avoid the trees at the corner of the soccer field.  The first patient he helped was a 17 year old girl who was bleeding from her head and other "members".  He put pressure on the wounds to stop the bleeding.  He began to clean her wounds as good as he could since he was limited with supplies.  He tried to explain to her what had happened.  Everyone needed help, children, adults, and seniors.  Rigan could not believe his eyes.  As the time passed the situation worsened.  "My first prayer was: Dear God, I know that if I am alive it’s not because I am lucky, but because you want me to lead, like you wanted me to become a nurse, because these people need me as a nurse and as a Christian. Thank you for protecting me and using me to save some of my brothers and sisters. Forgive me for my sins, Give me faith and strength." After he said this prayer he felt that his fear once again vanished.  He wanted to go see his family.  After he stabilized as many patients as he could in that village, he decided to depart to his home.  He crossed paths with a married couple along the way.  "The mom was crying at the ground and the dad took his 18 month daughter out from under a big brick from his house, which collapsed into the kid who was sleeping inside. I could see that she was dead. I check the jugular pulse and the respiration…nothing… she died. It was sad, it was my first death."  Rigan preformed CPR on her anyways.  Rigan and the father jumped on a motorcycle and headed towards a hospital.  On the way to the hospital, Rigan finally noticed all of the collapsed houses and all of the people sitting on the sides of the roads asking for care.  "I didn’t have any supplies with me; no gloves, no bandage…nothing. It was terrifying. I wanted to cry".  Rigan sat behind the father, carrying his dead daughter.  "When we arrived to the hospital, the building was also collapsed with all the medical team inside, that was unimaginable."  Everything was gone; the schools, churches, public offices, houses, police stations.  " I was very strong that day because I was not alone. Suddenly I remember my family. I put the baby on the ground; I remove my shirt and cover the body. And ask the father to be strong. And then I walked to my house. Sometimes, in the road, I close my eyes because I couldn’t watch what I saw. I was walking in the city and I couldn’t recognize any area because everything disappeared."  Some collapsed buildings that Rigan passed still had people that were alive inside them.  Everyone was trying to get the bodies out.  Rigan couldn't stop to help, he was too concerned about his family and his house. "I was asking myself how I will live the next 5 mns when I will be at home. The streets were closed because of the fragments of the collapsed buildings. And it took me a while to get behind my house. And from where I was, I could see the top of my house, which means that it ‘still stands. I was smiling a little bit. Then I arrived to my house, I saw one of my brothers that was watching TV, he was safe. I embrace him and we cried together. After I asked him how everybody is. And he said that they are well. I asked him if anyone has a any injuries. He said that everything was fine."  After being assured that his family was okay, Rigan departed to the nursing school to check on his colleagues.  The first person that he encountered was Hilda (the Dean of the school).  They hugged and cried together.   Angela, one of Rigan's close friends, and one of the last people he had talked to before the earthquake hit, was killed.  She was smart, beautiful, and had dreams similar to Rigan.  Everyone inside the school, 40 nursing students, were killed.  If Rigan hadn't left the school when he did, he would have been one of them. "Immediately after, I was watching the campus. Hundreds of people were coming from the entire city asking for care with all kind of injuries. It was sad, because before the earthquake we didn’t have any real hospital, then it makes the situation worst. We are a nursing school, it is true that we might help but we need supplies."
After some time, they were able to gather some supplies to began assisting the injured patients.  Rigan and Hilda took care of patients from 6:30 pm until 2am.  "It was a long night. We put some sheets on the ground of the school and tried to fall asleep, but it was impossible because the aftershocks made us scared…"

Rigan continued to see patients the next day.  All of the sick/injured patients were laying on the ground with their families.  This was the hardest day yet.  "Many people cried because some patients died after they slept."
Some people died from head trauma, internal bleeding or other problems." 

"What are the most important things I need to have in my life? If I asked one population of people that question, I would have a lot of answers.  Some people would say that they like their life, that they don’t want to die or they don’t want to lose the nice car they just bought.  It’s why a lot of people died; after the earthquake they went inside the house to get stuff and the big aftershocks finished the house and killed them, so sad. Some others tried to open some offices to steal money or supplies and they disappeared with the building. A lot of people died because they wanted to get Rich that day or to save their fortune"

"Haiti needs Love, especially at this time. Thousands of people need food, safe water, health, electricity, jobs, education, infrastructures…this list is long, and it means a lot of time and money. But they are the basic things that a country needs. Our politicians do not have a good mechanism of action to enhance these systems. They tried but don’t succeed. We need education for the young, and a good condition of life that will give them the opportunity to stay in Haiti and rebuild the country. There is a lot to do. The task is hard, but if we want and believe, we can"

"Many things have been changed since the earthquake of January 12, 2010. Many people have heard for a long time about Haiti, but never had a chance to visit. Once they have this desire to go and help after the quake hit in Haiti, they fall in love with Haiti, and also they have a new vision about life. They think more about helping, giving, loving, caring…and less about money, power. Race...
Many people left their families behind them to go to Haiti and help. What they saw in Haiti. Makes a change in their lives. By sharing that with other people, they give more hope for Haiti"  - Rigan Louis.

During my time in Haiti, it was not hard to see that there is a great imbalance, and that things aren't right.  I know that.  But for me, I suppose it really hits home when I stop and think about this moment.  Right now.  Wondering if the kids I have fallen so deeply in love with are getting enough to eat, if they are healthy, and sometimes I wonder if they are all still alive.  I worry about their safety.  I worry about the thousands of people I passed/met during my time in Haiti.  I think about the families still living in the tent cities and what battles they are currently enduring.  In this same moment, while my friends and fellow Haitians are still struggling to survive, we have a generation sitting around entertaining themselves watching reality television.  Which is to be honest, anything but real.  While we have a child that is being prostituted behind closed doors and raped and robbed of their innocence.  It is not fair that we can go about consuming every material object that comes, when the widow and the orphan are striped of life's basic dignities because they are victims of a conflict that simply isn't theirs.  It's not fair that there is a generation choking on their obesity, while 30,000 children will die today due to lack of food.  It is not fair that when we have no problem going out and buying what is basically chlorinated tap water in a bottle with a fancy label, while you have entire communities suffering at the hand of disease because the only water that they have access to if foul and polluted.  It is not fair that we can sing and dance and jump around in our freedom and our liberty, while at the same time, the slave remains captive, out of sight, and out of mind. It is not fair that we can sit and watch the evening news in the comfort of our living rooms and pitty those who live were the ground shook or where the storm hit or where the water rose and simply feel sorry for them and then change the channel and get on with our suppers.  Is it fair to walk passed the homeless man and give him nothing, with the assumption that he would spend it on cigarettes or alcohol, or to suggest that he should go out and find a job? I mean, who are we to judge the alcoholic, or the prostitute, or the addict, or the criminal, as if we are any better? Who are we to forget the depressed and the marginalized, while we go about chasing the dream ? We see this imbalance, and we amend that it is not right, and it's not fair, but all too often, that's all we do.  Because for us to do anymore, it is actually going to cost us something.  And if that's where it ends, perhaps that it is fair to say that when we ignore the prostituted child, we are actually lending our hand to their abuse.  And that when we ignore the widow and the orphan and their distress, that we actually add to their pain.  When we ignore the slaves who remain captive, it is us who's entrapping them.  That when we forget the refuge, then it is us who's displacing them.  When we chose not to help the poor and the needy, we actually rob them.  Perhaps, the only fair thing to say is, that when we forsake the lives of others, we are actually forsaking our own. 

Since I have returned home, I no longer get chased down by dozens of kids who want hugs and kisses.  I no longer wake up in the morning to the roosters or my little friends knocking on (or peeking under) my door.   I miss the food, the vibrant colours, the noise, riding on the back of Moto's, attempting to speak Creole and making a fool out of myself (such as saying Ou Manaje -you boyfriend -instead of saying Ou manje -you eat).  I often find myself in a daze, staring into space, reminiscing about my time spent in Haiti and thinking about the kids who have taken up such a huge part of my heart.  I miss it.. I miss them. 

Today, I am thinking about, and mourning with, all of my friends in Haiti who lost loved one's or who were affected by the earthquake that struck two years ago today.  I wish I could be there with you. 
I am never too far, maybe in distance, but never in heart <3 Mwen renmen ou (I love you)

Holiday Update !!

Well, it has been quite awhile since I have written a blog.  Lately I haven't had much to write about I guess. I look around at my life right now and it looks completely different then it did back in the summer months.  I am not as happy as I was then.  I am no longer living my dream.

Since I have returned home, I no longer get chased down by dozens of kids who want hugs and kisses.  I no longer wake up in the morning to the roosters or my little friends knocking on (or peeking under) my door.   I miss the food, the vibrant colours, the noise, riding on the back of Moto's, attempting to speak Creole and making a fool out of myself (such as saying Ou Manaje -you boyfriend -instead of saying Ou manje -you eat).  I often find myself in a daze, staring into space, reminiscing about my time spent in Haiti and thinking about the kids who have taken up such a huge part of my heart.  I miss it.. I miss them.   

It's Christmas time and everyone is running around buying gifts and food for their Christmas dinner's.  It is supposed to be a joyous time, but for me.. It is not.  All I can think about are my friends and babies back in Haiti who won't receive any gifts and who won't be sitting around the table with family for a nice Christmas feast.  They will be fortunate if they eat at all on Christmas day.  My heart is aching for them.  A lot of children and even adults are aware of Christmas, but have never experienced it. 


I have everything here- running water, electricity, unlimited access to food and resources, a stable structure over my head, and a soft bed to lay in at night.  But yet I feel empty.  I have come to a great realization, which I never would have came to if it wasn't for the Haitian people.  They taught me the meaning of life.  They showed me what true love is.  They have inspired me in so many ways.  I went there to help them, to give them whatever I possibly could, but instead, they helped me and they gave me more than I could have ever imagined.  Life isn't about materialistic things.  Life isn't about money.  Life is about love and helping one another - yes this sounds cheesy, but it couldn't be more accurate.  I spent months living a lifestyle people here in Canada would cringe at.  I had no electricity, no running water, no safe haven, and I didn't even have a bed.  I slept with cockroaches, lizards, and tarantulas.  Every day I sweat immensely, the dirt and dust stuck to me.  I ate one meal a day, usually chicken and rice or chicken and goat (the odd time I also ate street meet or baby food).   I was peed and pooped on numerous times by the children or babies that I was working with.  I listened as children told me that they were raped, beaten, or being used as slaves.  I had a woman hand me her child and asked me to take him back to Canada.  I witnessed heartache, I felt heartache, but yet.. I couldn't have been happier.  There was so much despair and devastation around me, I was living a lifestyle that people back home would view as dehumanizing, but none of that mattered.  I didn't even phase me while I was there.  I had enough to survive, I had the love of dozens of children who had lived their entire lives in these conditions.  Seeing my babies smile made my day.  I could escape this lifestyle, I could return home to luxury, these kids have no where else to go.  They are trapped, and most likely.. always will be.

Everyone always asks me how I did it, why I would chose to live like that or witness the things I have witnessed.  And once I tell them I want to go back, they shake their heads in disbelief.  But they don't understand.  They never will.  Until they themselves visit this amazing and inspiring country.  I cannot put it into words, I cannot make others understand.  I can only encourage each and every person to take a risk, to do something outrageous, to better themselves and to impact the lives of others by volunteering.  It is the most rewarding and life changing thing you could ever do. 


There are currently many violent riots taking place in Haiti due to compensation for Cholera.  Lawyers representing thousands of cholera victims in Haiti have threatened to take the United Nations to court in the United States, unless the international body responds to a petition for financial compensation.  The UN is being asked to pay $100,000 (£65,000) to the families of those who died and $50,000 (£32,500) to each of the people who fell sick but recovered. In addition there is a "class action" saying the UN should stop the cholera by rebuilding Haiti's decrepit water and sanitation infrastructure. If met in total, the claims could cost the international body many billions of dollars. Cholera is a disease that spreads through human waste and infected water.Victims can die within hours of the disease taking hold if they don't get treatment. The main symptom is catastrophic dehydration through diarrhoea and vomiting.


I have many decisions to make right now, some that may heavily impact my future.  I am stuck at a crossroad. But it has come the time for me to wake up and to start being happy again.  I need to revive my dreams and get my long lost positive attitude and outlook on life back. To do this, I think I need the help of my Haitian friends.  So.. I have decided that in the new year I will once again begin fundraising for Haiti and I will return to one of the places I now call home in May 2012.  I am already excited and anxious.  I will probably have my bags packed by the new year. 

One of my main priorities right now is helping out OREA Orphanage to get beds.  Since the earthquake, all of the orphans have been sleeping on the floor.  Not only are the cement floors extremely uncomfortable but it is also very unsanitary and has caused the children many illnesses.  It will cost $150 each and we are aiming to buy ten beds.

If you are interested in donating clothing, school supplies, medical supplies, money, or interested in sponsoring a child or volunteering please contact me at himey8@hotmail.com or visit my facebook page at  http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=596845603

Thank you !

Hardest Goodbye

Goodbye, Au revoir, perfect examples of things being easier said than done.  I am currently feeling the same ache in my heart as I did when I returned home in June, maybe even worse.  Haiti has forever changed me and it will always be a place that I can call home.  I have had the most rewarding experiences this summer and I cannot wait to return once again.  In Haiti my dreams are awakened and I truly feel as if I am doing what I am meant to be doing and I am where I am meant to be.  The children (timoun) fill my heart with more joy and love than I have ever felt before.  Their smiles and laughs light up my days and even on my worst days, they can always turn it around and make them some of the best days.  Haitians are beautiful people.  Beautiful not only in the sense of physical appearance but as whole human beings.  They have known and witnessed suffering, struggle, defeat, and loss and have still had the courage to find their way out of the depths of darkness.  They have given me an appreciation, a sensitivity, and a new understanding of life.  The experiences and pain that they have endured has filled them (& myself as well) with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern for others and for the world.  I can truthfully say that the Haitian people have enabled me to better myself.  I have felt the pain of loss, I have seen the suffering and the pain that others endured.  I have watched gorgeous young girls, handsome young men, and beautiful babies and children be diagnosed with AIDS(SIDA).  I have watched babies die that could have easily been saved if they would have received the proper medical care.  I have seen and heard the stories of children being beat and raped.  I have looked into their eyes and have seen the pain and hurt that they feel.  My heart aches.  I long to stay here and help.  I cannot change the world, I cannot change Haiti, but if I can change one persons life, that is enough for me.  That is worth everything to me.  Woman have approached me and have begged me to take their children to Canada with me.  I have witnessed children literally bathing in trash and animal and human feces.  I could go on for hours about what I have witness during my time in Haiti, however, no one can truly understand until they come and emerge themselves into the culture and get to know the Haitian people.  Many of my experiences have been negative.  People ask how I cope.  They don't understand that how I cope is by helping these people, seeing them smile, giving them the love and attention that they crave and deserve.  I have also seen the most amazing things in Haiti as well.  Such as a child's desire to learn, people's appreciation for even the smallest gestures of kindness.   I have seen a side of Haiti that CNN will never show on the news.  I have visited the most beautiful homes in the mountains, the calmness of the countryside, and the breathtaking beaches and scenery.  I have witnessed starving people offer me their food, even though they want it and need it more than I do.  I have honestly witnessed the meaning and purpose of this life.  I have come to a new realization that I never would have been able to reach without visiting this remarkable country.  I have found peace here.  Some people would find that statement hard to believe if they stepped off of a plane into Port Au Prince.  The noise is nothing like you would have heard before, the traffic is crazy, the streets are packed with people, there is trouble and garbage everywhere.  The peace I am talking about comes from within.  It comes from my heart.  I have been able to find peace amongst all of the craziness in Haiti.  I love this country.
This last week has opened my eyes even more.  My experiences working in a different orphanage and at the We Advance Medical Clinic have definitely been rewarding.  We spent Saturday night at La Maison des Petits de Diquini Orphanage.  The orphanage has 25 children, most of them under the age of eleven.  Many of the kids have experience extreme trauma in their lives and it was interesting speaking with Phil (the owner of the orphanage) and his story from the day of the earthquake.  He grew up as a spoiled and rich kid, as his father was the ambassador in Haiti, Ecuador, and DC.  He has given up everything and has completely devoted himself to these children. He no longer lives in wealth and struggles daily to find the means to provide for these children.  Sunday morning we played with the kids and I brought them some bubbles and skipping ropes.  In the afternoon we headed back to OREA. 
I arrived at the medical clinic on Monday.  Pulling up to the clinic I thought to myself, nothing has changed at all.  There was still a group of children hanging around outside, we still had trash and cholera pits everywhere.  We still had the big pigs rolling in the muck and the medical domes.  But after spending a few days at the clinic I have noticed there has been a change.  The biggest change that I noticed was that the children have begun to share.  It is a remarkable turn around from when I visited in May.  They also do not fight as much or throw rocks at the animals (well we are still working on the last one).  I was able to communicate more with the children since I have been practicing my Creole.  The clinic is still crazy and is still seeing many patients.  There has also been many security issues at the clinic lately as well.  I witnessed a lot of pain and suffering during my stay at the clinic.  We had people that were HIV positive, we had malnourished and dehydrated babies, we had stab wounds, infections, scabies, worms coming out of childrens ears and eyes, we had people hit by cars, we had many STI's (especially in young girls), we had a lot of pregnant women, and many more cases.  The one case that really sticks out in my mind right now is a little baby who was 5 months old, he looked like a new born baby.  His skin had turned yellow and he was very lethargic.  The mother had no idea what was wrong with him. Finally we noticed that his hand was swollen and that he had a wound on the top of it.  We asked the mom if someone was beating him.  She tells us no and that he was bit by a rat.  Due to the lack of health education the mother had no idea that the baby could be in harm from the rat bite and that rats carry many diseases.  The baby had not had a tetnus or a rabies shot.  He is likely not going to make it because it has been left too long now. Something as simple as the baby being brought to the hospital after the bite to receive shots could have saved his life.  Wednesday was definitely the toughest days of all.  We definitely witnessed the most heartbreaking cases.  On Thursday we spent the morning with the kids blowing bubbles and colouring with sidewalk chalk.  Later in the afternoon Danel took Lindsay and I to hand out clothes, toys, food, and baby supplies to homeless people that beg at the old Cathedral.  The Cathedral had been ruined in the earthquake.  I cannot even put in words how incredible it was.  I connected with a young girl and her baby boy.  The girl was probably only 15 or 16.  She was the sweetest girl and so appreciative.  The baby boy was very malnourished but was full of smiles.  We drove around the streets and handed all of our donations out.  I spent the entire day yesterday thinking about my decision to return home. I am still not convinced that I have made the right choice and I know coming home is going to be very hard on me.  However, I am looking forward to returning to school, I know that I have to finish my degree.. and I can assure everyone, that once I have completed school I will return to Haiti on a long term bases.  (If I can last that long).  At the moment I feel numb.  I don't think it has hit me yet that I am coming home.  I already miss the kids hanging off my arms, the kisses on the cheek, hearing them whisper Je t'aime or I love you Emily.  I know I will miss putting them to bed tonight and Yvenson falling asleep in my arms.  I will miss Kerwensky and Djan Keith fighting over who is my "Mennaj" (boyfriend).  I will miss Isna and her absolute craziness and loud voice and Jenny and Kimberly for their big hugs and adorable smiles.  I will miss Soraya constantly going cross eyed and dancing and the funny voices she uses and her cute/shy smile every time she sees me in the morning.  I will miss Kerry and how he constantly wanted to be near me and kiss my hand, he is definitely a sweetheart.  I will miss Yvenson and being called Mama and LeeLee (he can't say Emily), as well as the quick kisses he sneaks and how he throws a temper tantrum every time I put him down, I will even miss his soaking wet shorts full of urine when he sits on me, and I will probably even miss the stench he left on me.  I will miss abaigaelle's adorable faces and how she can get away with anything because she knows she's cute.  I will miss Meetchgave and seeing her grow up (she now has teeth & can crawl).  I will miss the kids knocking on my door in the morning and try to peak through the crack to see if I am still asleep.  I will miss everything about Haiti.  My heart has been left there and until I return, I know I will not be whole.  I am currently sitting in the Miami airport and wishing that I could hop on a plane back to Haiti instead of to Detroit.
It is going to be a rough couple of weeks.. possibly months.  I am going to need my friends and family more than ever.
Mwen renmen ou Ayiti <3

MUCI & the Beach !

Well this week has definitely been one of the busiest.  Wednesday we spent the day with Danel Georges and visited some of the kitchens of Cuisine Solidarite who feed street children.  It is definitely an eye opener to see the way people are living.  We take so much for granted and do not even realize it.  It was raining most of the day and the streets began to flood.  We drove by many tent cities and many homeless people on the streets.  There was one man that stuck out.  He was completely covered in mud and sitting on the side of the road,he is homeless.  As much as we wanted to take a photo we decided not to in respect to the man but Danel insisted that we do.  We were a little nervous at first as most people here do not like their pictures taken.  However, this man smiled for us.  It breaks my hear that people have to live like this.  We came to the old cathedral that was destroyed in the earthquake.  Many people/children go there to beg.  We stopped and I handed out some of the baby clothes I had brought with me.  However, it drew quite a big crowd so we couldn't stay long.  We also visited one of MUCI's credit unions where they loan out money to people wishing to start small businesses.  Later we went to visit another orphanage that Danel's cousin Phil owns.  He has 26 children and they are all so cute.  His orphanage is a lot different than the one we are currently working at.  The living conditions are not as good but they do receive lots of love- which is one of the key components in running an orphanage.  We were exhausted by the time we got back to OREA.  We spent the rest of the evening with the kids and then relaxed in our room.  Lindsay ended up getting very sick as well and spent Thursday morning throwing up.  We took the kids to the beach that day and it is an hour ride.  Lindsay still decided to come.. we stopped a few times for her to get sick but she stuck it out.  When we arrived at the beach the kids all changed into their bathing suits and hopped in the water.  They were a lot braver this time then last.  Due to the frequent storms there were many jellyfish floating in the water.  We collected 14 and let them fry in the sun.  On our way back to the orphanage most of the kids slept in the tap tap, they were exhausted !  So were Lindsay and I.  Today has been a quiet day as Lindsay and I are still not feeling 100%.  We hung out with the kids and are now getting ready for bed.  Tomorrow morning Danel is picking us up and bringing us to the Orphanage we visited on Wednesday where we will be spending the night.  We were supposed to go to Cite Soliel this weekend but have decided to from Monday-Wednesday instead.  We will be working in We Advance Medical Clinic.  I am really looking forward to it.  Well I am currently sitting outside so I can get a wireless signal but a storm is rolling in and it has started to rain so this is all I can write for now.  I just finished saying goodnight to the kids.. I am sure going to miss all of their kisses and hearing them say "Je t'aime Emily".  Saying goodnight is my favourite part of the day.  Missing everyone back home.  See you all in a week ! xoxo

Happy 6th Birthday Isna!

The last few days have been a blast with the kids as well as exhausting.  They sure keep you busy ! We picked up Lindsay from the Airport on Saturday.  On Sunday Lindsay & I went to the market with Jean's sister and bought the kids an inflatable swimming pool. Yesterday we set up the pool and filled it with buckets of water.  The kids literally spent the entire day in it.  The pool is pretty small and normally would fit two young kids, they managed to fit all of them in it.  As we were playing outside we noticed some young boys staring through the crack in the gate and watching the kids in the pool. I felt terrible.  We went upstairs and got some Frisbees and candy to give them.  They were so excited and tried to give the frisbee back to Lindsay and could not believe that they were actually aloud to keep them.  Yesterday was also Isna's 6th birthday.  She wore her best clothes and had her hair done, she looked adorable.  We took her to the supermarket with us and told her to pick out two toys.  On the way to the supermarket we were walking down a steep hill and somehow I managed to slip and slide half way down it while holding Isna.  I really hurt my foot, although Lindsay and I were both in tears laughing since Jean had just warned us to be careful since it was slippery. Not only did I fall, but it was in front of a street full of people.  Isna had never been in a supermarket before and everything she saw she wanted.  I have never seen her so excited.  We asked her if she wanted juice and she said yes.. two minutes later she goes and grabs a protein shake and puts back the juice.  She kept trying to open everything in the store and didn't understand why she couldn't. We ended up buying her a lot of treats as, including a tub of ice cream. We bought some plastic spoons and sat outside the market and ate it all before going back to the orphanage.  She drank her protein shake within one minute.  Lindsay and I could not believe it.  On our way back to the orphanage were in the process of getting on a tap tap and the driver did not realize that we were trying to get on.  Jean handed Isna up to one of the guys on the tap tap and then he took off with her and without us.  Luckily it ended up stopping and we were able to get on.  When we got back to the orphanage she hung out in our room and we opened up her doll and her new toys.  We played some music and danced and she stuffed her face with Doritos, brownies, pringles, combos, and star-bursts.  Later into the evening we had another visitor in our room.  Yvenson who is 2 years old. We also spoiled him with treats. I let him have the rest of my Gatorade which was a mistake because he ended up peeing all over my mattress and all over me as I was trying to carry him to the toilet.  The worst part is, he is still wearing the same clothes he peed in yesterday, today.  Most of the kids wear the same clothes for three days in a row, no matter how dirty or smelly they are.  Last night they watched Night at the Museum on the laptop before bed.  Soraya knocked on our door and came and cuddled with us and listened to music instead of watching the movie.  She had a rough day.  She is six years old and watched her parents be crushed in the earthquake.  She is traumatized so she has her days where she just stares at the ground and will not say a word.  The kids also tend to tease her a lot.  It breaks my heart.  She is the sweetest and most beautiful little girl.  I wish I could bring her home with me. 
I have been sick for the last six days and have been very dehydrated.  I have not made it to the hospital yet but if it persists than I will have to go soon to get checked out.  I am feeling very weak and constantly feel nauseas and have a pounding headache, it makes it difficult in the heat and it also makes it hard to play with the kids. Today we did some colouring and I brought out my ipod and we all danced, the kids love the song "Teach me how to Dougie", they know all the words.  We will be taking the kids to the beach on Thursday and we will be visiting We Advance Medical Clinic in Cite Soliel this weekend.  I am looking forward to doing another wash day and seeing Maeve and the crew !
It appears that we have another hurricane on the way.. The sky is dark and it is very windy but we haven't had much of  a storm yet.  Hopefully it misses us again !
Missing everyone back home.  Send my love xoxo

Everything in-between

                                                                        RIP Baby Boy

Well, I guess there is a lot of catching up to do.  I apologize for not blogging recently. 
I spent August 1st- 5th with a group of thirteen volunteers from Chico, California, running a day camp at HC Orphanage for the children.  We had a blast.  Everyday we did different activities from sports (such as soccer and basketball), to crafts, to dancing and singing, and we even hosted a carnival where the kids recieved toys and candy.  All of the thirteen volunteers worked hard and were all very kind.  I have definitely made a few new friends !  Every morning I would get a ride to the hospital with Dr. Gousse and spend an hour there and then take the hospital bus to the guest house to pick up the other volunteers then we would head to the orphanage.  One morning on our way to the hospital the Dr. and I got stuck in the middle of a street fight/riot.  Huge rocks were being thrown at women and men, fruit stands were being destroyed, the street was literally going crazy.  I am not exactly sure what caused it, but yes we were stuck in the dead middle of it.  Thank God we were in a vehicle and not walking.  Dr. Gousse was freaking out because these huge rocks were now heading towards her beautiful car ! A man stopped and guided us through the street.  We were able to get out without a mark.  I must say it was a scary experience.  I was just waiting for someone to smash the windows. 
I also met a girl named Kayla from Alberta during my time at HC Orphanage.  She was visiting Haiti for ten days and was actually adopted from Haiti.  I met her on her second last day and we talked quite a bit about Haiti and our experiences.  She hadn't been able to do much sight seeing so I promised her that the next day I would somehow arrange for us to go up to the mountains for lunch and to do some shopping (locals have huts set up along the road where they sell Haitian art, including paintings and woodcarvings, and anything else you could possibly think of).  I asked around to see if anyone knew of a driver that we could hire.  No one did.  Luckily that night I was driving with Dr. Gousse and she stopped to give her Salsa dancer a ride.  He overheard us talking about finding a driver to the mountains so he called up one of his friends.  He couldn't get a hold of him so he offered to tag along and come to the mountains with us, that way we could just take tap taps since he knew the way and it would be cheaper than hiring a driver.  Kayla and I went to the day camp in the morning and left around noon to meet the dance teacher at the Hospital.  We did a lot of walking and took many tap taps to get up to the mountains.  Finally we arrived !!! We both bought a book that teaches English people to speak Creole from the gift shop.  Its a life saver !  We all ate lunch and it was gorgeous, the restraunt overlooks the mountain.  We did some shopping and then headed back around 4pm.  While we were in the mountains is started to get windy and began to rain.  Hurricane "Emily" was on her way.  We were hoping we would get home in time before she hit.  We took another tap tap down the mountain and by the time we got to the bottom it was raining pretty hard.  In Haiti when it rains the streets become crazy, everyone is trying to get into tap taps or on motos.  We were soaked and I, of course, was covered in mud.  We came to the Tap Tap station and it was absolute chaos.  People were literally stamepeding over one another to get into the tap taps.  One lady was trampeled and no one stopped to help her up.  Another man was robbed while trying to get onto the tap tap and a fight broke out in the streets.  I imagine we looked like deer in the headlights when all of this was occuring.  I had no idea what to do or how the heck we were going to find a tap tap.  We decided to keep walking and hopefully find a tap tap down the road.  Thankfully we did.  Although Kayla had to sit on my lap for most of the ride.  Our adventure wasn't over yet though, not only were we tired, soaking wet, covered in mud, and sore from sitting in the tap tap for so long, but then the driver decides to stop for gas.  The gas station is full so we sat and waited for twenty minutes.  The driver finally becomes impatient and leaves.  We are nearing the hospital and of course our tap tap runs out of gas.  Well.. we did eventually make it to the hospital where Kayla's ride was waiting.  We had a great day, but I was definitely glad to be home.  Hurricane "Emily" was estimated to hit around 2am that morning.  We had quite the storm but it was definitely not as bad asth they were expecting.  However, we have had storms almost every night since, which probably makes up for the big storm. 
After working at the orphanage one day, I was at the hospital and sitting in Rigan's office.  He brought in a young girl (12 years old) who had just had surgery on her knee and was having her staples removed that day.  She was a funny girl and had lots of questions for me so we spoke back and forth and Rigan was our translator.  She asked my what I was doing in Haiti and I told her volunteering.  She then asked a very unexpected question.  She said "Do your friends and family beat you back home?" I was shocked by her question.  I told her no and that it is illegal in Canada for people to beat up other people. She then asked why I would come to Haiti then.  She said "they will beat you here".  We continued our conversation and that little girl honestly broke my heart.  I wish I could take her home with me.  I stayed with her while she got her stitches removed and held her hand.  She was scared but by the time the staples were out she hadn't even realized that Rigan had begun removing them.  I will never forget that girl. 
I spent August 5th in Leogange, and 6th-7th in Jacmel with Mark (Hospital Espoir volunteer from Conneticut) and Rigan.  When we got to Leogane Friday evening, we took motos and went out for dinner.  It was Mark's first time being on a moto.  Dinner was great and we had a lot of laughs.  When we got back to Rigans we played a few games of yahtzee and UNO then headed to bed.  We were planning on only spending Sunday in Jacmel but Mark has asked us if we would like to go up Saturday instead and rent a hotel.  We decided to do that.  Saturday morning we began packing our things.  We had no idea how we were going to get to Jacmel or where we were going to stay.  I recommended that we take motos.  Rigan wasn't so fond on the idea as most people in Haiti only take a moto as a last resort since they are known to be somewhat dangerous.   But of course we took them.   I also didn't know that it would be a two hour ride.  Although my butt and back were killing me by the time we got there I was sure glad we took them.  It was a hot day so it was nice to feel a breeze and we drove 2 hours through mountains and small villages, it was breath taking.  The scenery is literally indescripable, pictures wouldn't even do it justice.  We rented two motos.  Mark had one moto + his driver and on the other moto there was the driver, Rigan, myself + our two backpacks.  We arrived in Jacmel around 2pm and drove down one of the main roads until we came to a sign advertising a hotel.  We drove down the sidestreet and arrived at large white gates.  Mark and I were skeptical at first because the place looked deserted.  However, we toured around and the hotel was absolutely gorgeous !! The hotel is located in a cove with a private beach, restraunt, swimming pool, and bar.  Our room was simple but it had running water, electrcity and even air conditioning.  Also our room came with a cute little baby lizard who I named and fed (however he didn't last long, Rigan "accidently" killed him and I found a nice present underneath my pillow, the boys thought it was pretty funny.. I on the other hand did not :( )We could not believe we were still in Haiti.  It was like paradise.  We had a very relaxing afternoon.  We spent most of the day on the beach and in the pool.  We had dinner and some drinks and then decided to go out on the town and tour Jacmel.  We left the hotel around 9:30 and found two motos.  We got dropped off in the middle of town and did some walking.  We had no idea where we were going or where the nightlife hung out.  We ended up asking a group of girls and they told us to just walk towards the beach and follow the sound of the music.  It was neat walking through Jacmel.  A man stopped us on the street and wanted us to take a look at his drawings.  He spoke Engish very well.  I took a quick look just to be nice, but was not interested.  He kept persisting that I keep looking, Rigan became annoyed and him and the man got into a heated arguement.  Which was actually quite entertaining because instead of arguing in Creole they argued in Enlgish, but both only knew a few bad things to say to each other.  We kept walking and finally came to the nightclub.  The beach was completely covered in garbage, which is a shame, because if it wasn't for all the trash it would be a beautiful beach.  The nightclub was pretty busy, there were quite a few couples, and salsa dancing was the main attraction.  I could not believe the amount of people up dancing, and they were all very good! We were having a great night until Rigan recieved a phone call from the hospital.  The premie baby boy, which I had fallen in love with, passed away.  It hit me really hard.  The last time I saw him he seemed to be improving and gaining weight.  It broke my heart.  I felt horrible for spending the weeked at a nice hotel when he passed away.
We headed back to the hotel.  In the morning we receieved free breakfast and lounged around until eleven.  We went to the Tap Tap station and found a Tap Tap to take us back to Leogane.  We had lunch there and I grabbed the rest of my things from Rigans house then took a bus back to Port Au Prince.  When we arrived in Port Au Prince we went straight to the hospital. We stayed there for a few hours and then went to the guest house.  I was staying at the guest house that night since I was leaving for the Dominican in the morning and Rigan was going to arrange a ride to the bus station for me.  We had dinner and then hung out with the volunteers from California since it was there last night as well as Mark's.  In the morning I got up and got ready.  We all said our goodbyes and then I headed to the bus station on a Moto, I was almost late for my bus.  The bus ride was long and the border was absolutely crazy.  I can't even describe it to you, but it is not like any normal border.  We were running behind scheduel and didn't make it to Santo Domingo until about 7pm (we were supposed to arrive at four).  It is amazing to believe that Haiti and the Dominican Republic are on the same Island.  They are complete opposites.  Santo Domingo had shopping centers, McDonalds, Burger king, and speed limits !!! There were quite a few nice resorts.  I spent 6 days in the Dominican and relaxed.  I was glad I went, I caught up on some much needed sleep and beaches were beautiful.  I left the Dominican on the 13th and headed back to Haiti.  The bus was not as nice as the last one I rode in but we did make it for better timing.  I had no idea how I was going to get home from the bus station in Tabare though.  I had not made arrangements for a ride.  Luckily there was a man on the bus that could speak English and he helped me find a moto and told the moto where I needed to go.  However, there must have been some miscommunication because the driver tried to drop me off in the middle of nowhere.  I refused to get off the moto and became frustrated because I could not speak Creole and he could not understand English.  Once again I got lucky and right in front of where he dropped me off I noticed an organization for Scientology volunteers.  I knocked on the door and and spoke with one of the employees who could understand English.  I told him that I need to go to Hospital Espoir.  He knew where it was and explained to the driver how to get there.  It took us awhile and we got lost once but I finally arrived safely.  I was hoping that Dr. Gousse would be at the hospital or atleast I could call her from there.  It was my lucky day.  She was still there.  I was glad to be back at her house after a long day of traveling.  The next day we did not go to work.  Dr. Gousse had to go to Jacmel and plan the funeral for her Aunt who had just passed away.  I spent the day reading, and relaxing and then came to the conclusion that I would come home early and go back to University.  I miss school, and I never thought I would say that. I have been homesick for the first time as well.  And there have also been some complications/issues with one of the employees at the hospital so I arranged for me to leave the next day and return to OREA Orphanage (where I volunteered on my previous trip).  The same day I registered for classes and paid the tuition and also booked my flight home.  I will be returning on September 2nd.  Tuesday morning I packed up luggage and got a ride to the hospital with Dr. Gousse.  Jean picked me up from the hospital at eleven thirty.  It was such a relief to see him.  The orphanage had moved buildings since the last time I volunteered so I was unsure what the conditions would be like.  I could not believe it when I got there.  They now have a huge Orphanage with lots of rooms, kitchen, running water, and an area for the kids to play outside.  I was so happy to see all of the kids again, I couldn't believe how much I missed them.  Jean and his wife are fabulous.  I felt like I was at home when I arrived.  I have noticed some of the kids have lost quite a bit of weight but their living conditions have definitely improved.  We have spent the last few days making crafts (such as paper airplanes which was a blast!), colouring, playing sports (soccer & basketball- we made a makeshift net), blowing bubbles, and watching movies on the lap top.  I already am dreading the day tha I have to say goodbye to them again.  I will be spending my next two weeks here.  The kids are definitely keeping me busy.  I have been sick for the last couple of days, but the worst was last night.  I could not stop vomitting and spent the night with my head in a bucket and on the toilet and did not sleep at all.  I have thrown up 13 times since last night.  I am supposed to go to the airport at one today to pick up Lindsay but I am unsure if I will be able to go.  I have not been able to keep any food down and I am also running a fever.  If I am not better by tomorrow I will have to go to the hospital.  I am really hoping it is just from something I ate.  I am looking forward to seeing Lindsay and as well as returning home and going back to school.  I will miss Haiti and the kids but I think it is what I need to do.  I have been thinking about Caleb a lot lately and missing him like crazy. Always & forever in my heart.  RIP big guy. 

Motos, Kenèp , & Craziness.

Well I have now been in Haiti for a week and 3 days, seems like much longer than that.  I guess I have a lot to update you on.  I apologize for not posting a blog lately but I have been busy during the days and at night I am completely exhausted.  On the weekends I do not have internet access in Leogane.  It has been crazy, but I am loving it.  I spent most of last week at the hospital with Dr. Gousse & Rigan.  I of course spent most of my time with the babies.  I could stay there all day & night and watch them.  I worry about them a lot.  The smallest little guy weighed 800 grams the last time I weighed him.  I took temperatures and fixed oxygen tubes that the babies kept ripping out of their noses.  My favourite part of being there is watching them open their eyes and move around.  This week was the first time I heard the smallest one make any noises.  So cute.  The other little boy is doing well, I think he will be going home soon.  On Thursday his mom was there breast feeding him, it seemed to be going well.  I also spent one day assisting Rigan in the ER.  I learned a lot of new things and really enjoyed it.  We had a Tap Tap driver come in with a wound on his arm.  He was stabbed by a child because he would not give him money.  His arm was bleeding pretty bad, he needed stitches and he was very dizzy.  I felt dizzy as well, I do not handle blood well.  On Tuesday, Rigan and I stayed at the hospital a little longer than usual and then went to the supermarket to buy groceries.  We went back to the guest house and cooked dinner.  We made pasta.  One of Rigan's dogs just had puppies, they are adorable but the mom will kill anyone who tries to touch them.  After dinner we took a moto back to Dr. Gousse's house.  It was a long, bumpy, and rainy ride.  It was scary going up the mountains.  We got stuck a few times and Rigan and I had to get off so the driver could get out of the pot hole or up the hill.  We also got lost a few times and had to call Dr. Gousse.  Although it is terrifying at times, I love moto rides now ! I think I enjoy the adrenaline rush you get when the driver squeezes between two cars or when you have a car coming head on that is an inch away from you and swerves at the last moment, or maybe when you hit the pot holes or cracks in the road and have to hang on for dear life.  I think I would feel a lot safer though if helmets were provided.  Wednesday I spent the day at the hospital and spent the night doing computer work for Dr. Gousse.  I had to make spread sheets and enter every childs name, age, and birthdate, who attended the orphanages and schools.  There was over 500 kids.  I was up until midnight finishing the work, but I actually enjoyed doing it.  I learned a lot of names that way ! Thursday I spent the day at Rainbow of Love Orphanage & Hope Home.  In the morning I went to the hospital and met up with Evelyn who is working at Rainbow of Love Orphanage.  She is from Belgium and will be staying in Haiti for six months.  We went to the orphanage together.  The orphanage has 56 kids, all under the age of ten.  We played with the children and coloured with them.  Of course the kids, especially the boys, went crazy with my camera again.  After hanging out there I headed over to Hope Home which houses 20 handicap children.  I had a blast with them. I made necklaces with a few of the girls and then we coloured.  At lunch time I helped feed all of the children, it is a big chore, and quite difficult because some of them do not want to eat and others are unaware of what is going on and you have to force the food into their mouths, I felt bad.  Many of the kids had been sitting in soiled clothes all day, no one had changed them.  It was heartbreaking but also so rewarding at the same time. Being able to make them smile was the best feeling in the world.  I fell in love with all of the kids.  The youngest one at Hope Hope is a baby girl.  She is probably about 7 months old and is mute and blind.  She is cute as button!  Many of the children were injured in the earthquake and are now in wheelchairs, others have been neglected by their parents due to their disabilities.  After spending the day with all of the children I headed back to the hospital to meet up with Rigan.  Evelyn and I had to walk thirty minutes up hill in the scorching heat to the Tap Tap station.  It was torture.  I was so dehydrated by the time I got back to the hospital and was drenched in sweat.  After cooling off and drinking some water I went back to have one last visit with the babies before I headed to Leogane for the weekend.  Rigan and I left around four.  The traffic was absolutely crazy !!! We didn't end up arriving in Leogane until seven, so it was pitch black out.  We walked to Rigans house to drop off our bags and then took a moto to the "Pretty Lady" for dinner again.  I was sick Thursday night and Friday with stomach pains, fever, and I also think I was very dehydrated.  Friday morning Rigan hired a few guys to help him start fixing up the house.  They tore down a wall in the bathroom to make the shower larger, fixed the door so it would close, put screens on the windows, painted and fixed the toilet.  They got a lot done in one weekend !!! I spent the morning with baby Howard.  He is approx 5 months old and all smiles.  He was very hungry so I fed him some cheese.. it was hilarious ! He was covered in it by the time he was done and he bit my finger a few times.  I had also brought along a few infant outfits with me to give away.  One of them ended up fitting him.  In the afternoon I went to the bank with Rigan and then to the market to find myself some running shoes (since I forgot mine at home) and a soccer ball for the kids.  I also ended up buying an inflatable pool but was unable to use it this weekend since we didn't have a pump.  On the way home from the market we stopped so I could buy a local phone.  It only cost me $20 US.  We also stopped for lunch and while Rigan was ordering food I hung out with a few street children.  I gave them money in exchange for taking their photos.  I do not think any of them had seen a camera before.  Friday night I called home.  It is great to finally be able to do that !  If anyone wishes to call my number is 011-509-4640-5127 :) Saturday morning the guys were still working on the house so Rigan dropped me off at a local orphanage owned by a Canadian woman named Jasmine.  It is definitely a makeshift orphanage, they are not living in a proper building and they are still using tents.  She has over 50 kids. I was in heaven !!! There were so many little babies.  I spent almost my entire day in the nursery with the babies.  It was crazy !! At one point I was feeding three babies at once.  It seemed like every time I got one to stop crying or to fall asleep another would start crying or wake up.  Many of the children have been adopted, but she has new babies arriving all of the time.  Jasmine told me that I am welcome to visit whenever I would like, I am really looking forward to going back to visit and possibly staying with them for a few days.  I definitely developed a new addiction this weekend to a Haitian fruit called Kenèp.  The fruit comes in small berries the size of a golfball, with a peel that you bite off.  The inside contains a sweet, sticky, fruit that wraps around a hard pit.  It is more like candy or a snack, you will see many kids on the streets eating them.  Sunday morning afternoon we headed back to Port Au Prince.  We ended up going straight to the hospital and left around eight to take me home to Dr. Gousse's house.  Once again we took a moto up the mountains, got lost once or twice, but eventually found our way.  When I got home I hung out with Vicki and Ashley for a bit and they came up to my "apartment" and we made necklaces and watched a movie on my lap top.  I have not been sleeping well lately and find myself to be very exhausted, especially after long, hot, crazy days like today.  I arrived at the hospital at eight this morning and was picked up at nine thirty from Nadal who drove me to the guest house.  I spent the day at HC Orphanage assisting with running a day camp for over 100 children.  We picked up a group of 13 volunteers who had just arrived from California.  We had a blast today playing soccer with the kids, doing crafts, dancing, singing, skipping, etc.  However, it was VERY hot out and by the time Nadal arrived to pick us back up we were all drenched with sweat and exhausted.  I will be working at the orphanage all week, we will be doing different activities everyday.  I arrived back at the hospital around three and was ready for bed ! We got back to Dr. Gousse's around five thirty, ate dinner, I planned with the girls, and now relaxing.  It will be an early night for me as I am sure it will be a long & hot day tomorrow as well.  There is news that we have a hurricane on the way.. how ironic.. it is named "Hurricane Emily"... It is supposed to hit by Wednesday.  I am praying for those still living in tents and hoping that they can stay safe and also find a way to secure their belongings.  There is also another big cholera outbreak in the north.  The rain from the storm will likely spark many new cases.  I have a feeling the hospital will be busy for the next few weeks !  I am heading to the dominican republic on monday for 6 days.. It will be a much needed break from business.. hopefully I will be able to get some sleep finally.  I am loving what I am doing and enjoying spending time with the kids, but things have definitely been overwhelming and my experience is a lot different than the last one, it will take some time to adjust to things! Hope everything is going well back home, miss you all xoxo