Hardest Goodbye

Goodbye, Au revoir, perfect examples of things being easier said than done.  I am currently feeling the same ache in my heart as I did when I returned home in June, maybe even worse.  Haiti has forever changed me and it will always be a place that I can call home.  I have had the most rewarding experiences this summer and I cannot wait to return once again.  In Haiti my dreams are awakened and I truly feel as if I am doing what I am meant to be doing and I am where I am meant to be.  The children (timoun) fill my heart with more joy and love than I have ever felt before.  Their smiles and laughs light up my days and even on my worst days, they can always turn it around and make them some of the best days.  Haitians are beautiful people.  Beautiful not only in the sense of physical appearance but as whole human beings.  They have known and witnessed suffering, struggle, defeat, and loss and have still had the courage to find their way out of the depths of darkness.  They have given me an appreciation, a sensitivity, and a new understanding of life.  The experiences and pain that they have endured has filled them (& myself as well) with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern for others and for the world.  I can truthfully say that the Haitian people have enabled me to better myself.  I have felt the pain of loss, I have seen the suffering and the pain that others endured.  I have watched gorgeous young girls, handsome young men, and beautiful babies and children be diagnosed with AIDS(SIDA).  I have watched babies die that could have easily been saved if they would have received the proper medical care.  I have seen and heard the stories of children being beat and raped.  I have looked into their eyes and have seen the pain and hurt that they feel.  My heart aches.  I long to stay here and help.  I cannot change the world, I cannot change Haiti, but if I can change one persons life, that is enough for me.  That is worth everything to me.  Woman have approached me and have begged me to take their children to Canada with me.  I have witnessed children literally bathing in trash and animal and human feces.  I could go on for hours about what I have witness during my time in Haiti, however, no one can truly understand until they come and emerge themselves into the culture and get to know the Haitian people.  Many of my experiences have been negative.  People ask how I cope.  They don't understand that how I cope is by helping these people, seeing them smile, giving them the love and attention that they crave and deserve.  I have also seen the most amazing things in Haiti as well.  Such as a child's desire to learn, people's appreciation for even the smallest gestures of kindness.   I have seen a side of Haiti that CNN will never show on the news.  I have visited the most beautiful homes in the mountains, the calmness of the countryside, and the breathtaking beaches and scenery.  I have witnessed starving people offer me their food, even though they want it and need it more than I do.  I have honestly witnessed the meaning and purpose of this life.  I have come to a new realization that I never would have been able to reach without visiting this remarkable country.  I have found peace here.  Some people would find that statement hard to believe if they stepped off of a plane into Port Au Prince.  The noise is nothing like you would have heard before, the traffic is crazy, the streets are packed with people, there is trouble and garbage everywhere.  The peace I am talking about comes from within.  It comes from my heart.  I have been able to find peace amongst all of the craziness in Haiti.  I love this country.
This last week has opened my eyes even more.  My experiences working in a different orphanage and at the We Advance Medical Clinic have definitely been rewarding.  We spent Saturday night at La Maison des Petits de Diquini Orphanage.  The orphanage has 25 children, most of them under the age of eleven.  Many of the kids have experience extreme trauma in their lives and it was interesting speaking with Phil (the owner of the orphanage) and his story from the day of the earthquake.  He grew up as a spoiled and rich kid, as his father was the ambassador in Haiti, Ecuador, and DC.  He has given up everything and has completely devoted himself to these children. He no longer lives in wealth and struggles daily to find the means to provide for these children.  Sunday morning we played with the kids and I brought them some bubbles and skipping ropes.  In the afternoon we headed back to OREA. 
I arrived at the medical clinic on Monday.  Pulling up to the clinic I thought to myself, nothing has changed at all.  There was still a group of children hanging around outside, we still had trash and cholera pits everywhere.  We still had the big pigs rolling in the muck and the medical domes.  But after spending a few days at the clinic I have noticed there has been a change.  The biggest change that I noticed was that the children have begun to share.  It is a remarkable turn around from when I visited in May.  They also do not fight as much or throw rocks at the animals (well we are still working on the last one).  I was able to communicate more with the children since I have been practicing my Creole.  The clinic is still crazy and is still seeing many patients.  There has also been many security issues at the clinic lately as well.  I witnessed a lot of pain and suffering during my stay at the clinic.  We had people that were HIV positive, we had malnourished and dehydrated babies, we had stab wounds, infections, scabies, worms coming out of childrens ears and eyes, we had people hit by cars, we had many STI's (especially in young girls), we had a lot of pregnant women, and many more cases.  The one case that really sticks out in my mind right now is a little baby who was 5 months old, he looked like a new born baby.  His skin had turned yellow and he was very lethargic.  The mother had no idea what was wrong with him. Finally we noticed that his hand was swollen and that he had a wound on the top of it.  We asked the mom if someone was beating him.  She tells us no and that he was bit by a rat.  Due to the lack of health education the mother had no idea that the baby could be in harm from the rat bite and that rats carry many diseases.  The baby had not had a tetnus or a rabies shot.  He is likely not going to make it because it has been left too long now. Something as simple as the baby being brought to the hospital after the bite to receive shots could have saved his life.  Wednesday was definitely the toughest days of all.  We definitely witnessed the most heartbreaking cases.  On Thursday we spent the morning with the kids blowing bubbles and colouring with sidewalk chalk.  Later in the afternoon Danel took Lindsay and I to hand out clothes, toys, food, and baby supplies to homeless people that beg at the old Cathedral.  The Cathedral had been ruined in the earthquake.  I cannot even put in words how incredible it was.  I connected with a young girl and her baby boy.  The girl was probably only 15 or 16.  She was the sweetest girl and so appreciative.  The baby boy was very malnourished but was full of smiles.  We drove around the streets and handed all of our donations out.  I spent the entire day yesterday thinking about my decision to return home. I am still not convinced that I have made the right choice and I know coming home is going to be very hard on me.  However, I am looking forward to returning to school, I know that I have to finish my degree.. and I can assure everyone, that once I have completed school I will return to Haiti on a long term bases.  (If I can last that long).  At the moment I feel numb.  I don't think it has hit me yet that I am coming home.  I already miss the kids hanging off my arms, the kisses on the cheek, hearing them whisper Je t'aime or I love you Emily.  I know I will miss putting them to bed tonight and Yvenson falling asleep in my arms.  I will miss Kerwensky and Djan Keith fighting over who is my "Mennaj" (boyfriend).  I will miss Isna and her absolute craziness and loud voice and Jenny and Kimberly for their big hugs and adorable smiles.  I will miss Soraya constantly going cross eyed and dancing and the funny voices she uses and her cute/shy smile every time she sees me in the morning.  I will miss Kerry and how he constantly wanted to be near me and kiss my hand, he is definitely a sweetheart.  I will miss Yvenson and being called Mama and LeeLee (he can't say Emily), as well as the quick kisses he sneaks and how he throws a temper tantrum every time I put him down, I will even miss his soaking wet shorts full of urine when he sits on me, and I will probably even miss the stench he left on me.  I will miss abaigaelle's adorable faces and how she can get away with anything because she knows she's cute.  I will miss Meetchgave and seeing her grow up (she now has teeth & can crawl).  I will miss the kids knocking on my door in the morning and try to peak through the crack to see if I am still asleep.  I will miss everything about Haiti.  My heart has been left there and until I return, I know I will not be whole.  I am currently sitting in the Miami airport and wishing that I could hop on a plane back to Haiti instead of to Detroit.
It is going to be a rough couple of weeks.. possibly months.  I am going to need my friends and family more than ever.
Mwen renmen ou Ayiti <3

MUCI & the Beach !

Well this week has definitely been one of the busiest.  Wednesday we spent the day with Danel Georges and visited some of the kitchens of Cuisine Solidarite who feed street children.  It is definitely an eye opener to see the way people are living.  We take so much for granted and do not even realize it.  It was raining most of the day and the streets began to flood.  We drove by many tent cities and many homeless people on the streets.  There was one man that stuck out.  He was completely covered in mud and sitting on the side of the road,he is homeless.  As much as we wanted to take a photo we decided not to in respect to the man but Danel insisted that we do.  We were a little nervous at first as most people here do not like their pictures taken.  However, this man smiled for us.  It breaks my hear that people have to live like this.  We came to the old cathedral that was destroyed in the earthquake.  Many people/children go there to beg.  We stopped and I handed out some of the baby clothes I had brought with me.  However, it drew quite a big crowd so we couldn't stay long.  We also visited one of MUCI's credit unions where they loan out money to people wishing to start small businesses.  Later we went to visit another orphanage that Danel's cousin Phil owns.  He has 26 children and they are all so cute.  His orphanage is a lot different than the one we are currently working at.  The living conditions are not as good but they do receive lots of love- which is one of the key components in running an orphanage.  We were exhausted by the time we got back to OREA.  We spent the rest of the evening with the kids and then relaxed in our room.  Lindsay ended up getting very sick as well and spent Thursday morning throwing up.  We took the kids to the beach that day and it is an hour ride.  Lindsay still decided to come.. we stopped a few times for her to get sick but she stuck it out.  When we arrived at the beach the kids all changed into their bathing suits and hopped in the water.  They were a lot braver this time then last.  Due to the frequent storms there were many jellyfish floating in the water.  We collected 14 and let them fry in the sun.  On our way back to the orphanage most of the kids slept in the tap tap, they were exhausted !  So were Lindsay and I.  Today has been a quiet day as Lindsay and I are still not feeling 100%.  We hung out with the kids and are now getting ready for bed.  Tomorrow morning Danel is picking us up and bringing us to the Orphanage we visited on Wednesday where we will be spending the night.  We were supposed to go to Cite Soliel this weekend but have decided to from Monday-Wednesday instead.  We will be working in We Advance Medical Clinic.  I am really looking forward to it.  Well I am currently sitting outside so I can get a wireless signal but a storm is rolling in and it has started to rain so this is all I can write for now.  I just finished saying goodnight to the kids.. I am sure going to miss all of their kisses and hearing them say "Je t'aime Emily".  Saying goodnight is my favourite part of the day.  Missing everyone back home.  See you all in a week ! xoxo

Happy 6th Birthday Isna!

The last few days have been a blast with the kids as well as exhausting.  They sure keep you busy ! We picked up Lindsay from the Airport on Saturday.  On Sunday Lindsay & I went to the market with Jean's sister and bought the kids an inflatable swimming pool. Yesterday we set up the pool and filled it with buckets of water.  The kids literally spent the entire day in it.  The pool is pretty small and normally would fit two young kids, they managed to fit all of them in it.  As we were playing outside we noticed some young boys staring through the crack in the gate and watching the kids in the pool. I felt terrible.  We went upstairs and got some Frisbees and candy to give them.  They were so excited and tried to give the frisbee back to Lindsay and could not believe that they were actually aloud to keep them.  Yesterday was also Isna's 6th birthday.  She wore her best clothes and had her hair done, she looked adorable.  We took her to the supermarket with us and told her to pick out two toys.  On the way to the supermarket we were walking down a steep hill and somehow I managed to slip and slide half way down it while holding Isna.  I really hurt my foot, although Lindsay and I were both in tears laughing since Jean had just warned us to be careful since it was slippery. Not only did I fall, but it was in front of a street full of people.  Isna had never been in a supermarket before and everything she saw she wanted.  I have never seen her so excited.  We asked her if she wanted juice and she said yes.. two minutes later she goes and grabs a protein shake and puts back the juice.  She kept trying to open everything in the store and didn't understand why she couldn't. We ended up buying her a lot of treats as, including a tub of ice cream. We bought some plastic spoons and sat outside the market and ate it all before going back to the orphanage.  She drank her protein shake within one minute.  Lindsay and I could not believe it.  On our way back to the orphanage were in the process of getting on a tap tap and the driver did not realize that we were trying to get on.  Jean handed Isna up to one of the guys on the tap tap and then he took off with her and without us.  Luckily it ended up stopping and we were able to get on.  When we got back to the orphanage she hung out in our room and we opened up her doll and her new toys.  We played some music and danced and she stuffed her face with Doritos, brownies, pringles, combos, and star-bursts.  Later into the evening we had another visitor in our room.  Yvenson who is 2 years old. We also spoiled him with treats. I let him have the rest of my Gatorade which was a mistake because he ended up peeing all over my mattress and all over me as I was trying to carry him to the toilet.  The worst part is, he is still wearing the same clothes he peed in yesterday, today.  Most of the kids wear the same clothes for three days in a row, no matter how dirty or smelly they are.  Last night they watched Night at the Museum on the laptop before bed.  Soraya knocked on our door and came and cuddled with us and listened to music instead of watching the movie.  She had a rough day.  She is six years old and watched her parents be crushed in the earthquake.  She is traumatized so she has her days where she just stares at the ground and will not say a word.  The kids also tend to tease her a lot.  It breaks my heart.  She is the sweetest and most beautiful little girl.  I wish I could bring her home with me. 
I have been sick for the last six days and have been very dehydrated.  I have not made it to the hospital yet but if it persists than I will have to go soon to get checked out.  I am feeling very weak and constantly feel nauseas and have a pounding headache, it makes it difficult in the heat and it also makes it hard to play with the kids. Today we did some colouring and I brought out my ipod and we all danced, the kids love the song "Teach me how to Dougie", they know all the words.  We will be taking the kids to the beach on Thursday and we will be visiting We Advance Medical Clinic in Cite Soliel this weekend.  I am looking forward to doing another wash day and seeing Maeve and the crew !
It appears that we have another hurricane on the way.. The sky is dark and it is very windy but we haven't had much of  a storm yet.  Hopefully it misses us again !
Missing everyone back home.  Send my love xoxo

Everything in-between

                                                                        RIP Baby Boy

Well, I guess there is a lot of catching up to do.  I apologize for not blogging recently. 
I spent August 1st- 5th with a group of thirteen volunteers from Chico, California, running a day camp at HC Orphanage for the children.  We had a blast.  Everyday we did different activities from sports (such as soccer and basketball), to crafts, to dancing and singing, and we even hosted a carnival where the kids recieved toys and candy.  All of the thirteen volunteers worked hard and were all very kind.  I have definitely made a few new friends !  Every morning I would get a ride to the hospital with Dr. Gousse and spend an hour there and then take the hospital bus to the guest house to pick up the other volunteers then we would head to the orphanage.  One morning on our way to the hospital the Dr. and I got stuck in the middle of a street fight/riot.  Huge rocks were being thrown at women and men, fruit stands were being destroyed, the street was literally going crazy.  I am not exactly sure what caused it, but yes we were stuck in the dead middle of it.  Thank God we were in a vehicle and not walking.  Dr. Gousse was freaking out because these huge rocks were now heading towards her beautiful car ! A man stopped and guided us through the street.  We were able to get out without a mark.  I must say it was a scary experience.  I was just waiting for someone to smash the windows. 
I also met a girl named Kayla from Alberta during my time at HC Orphanage.  She was visiting Haiti for ten days and was actually adopted from Haiti.  I met her on her second last day and we talked quite a bit about Haiti and our experiences.  She hadn't been able to do much sight seeing so I promised her that the next day I would somehow arrange for us to go up to the mountains for lunch and to do some shopping (locals have huts set up along the road where they sell Haitian art, including paintings and woodcarvings, and anything else you could possibly think of).  I asked around to see if anyone knew of a driver that we could hire.  No one did.  Luckily that night I was driving with Dr. Gousse and she stopped to give her Salsa dancer a ride.  He overheard us talking about finding a driver to the mountains so he called up one of his friends.  He couldn't get a hold of him so he offered to tag along and come to the mountains with us, that way we could just take tap taps since he knew the way and it would be cheaper than hiring a driver.  Kayla and I went to the day camp in the morning and left around noon to meet the dance teacher at the Hospital.  We did a lot of walking and took many tap taps to get up to the mountains.  Finally we arrived !!! We both bought a book that teaches English people to speak Creole from the gift shop.  Its a life saver !  We all ate lunch and it was gorgeous, the restraunt overlooks the mountain.  We did some shopping and then headed back around 4pm.  While we were in the mountains is started to get windy and began to rain.  Hurricane "Emily" was on her way.  We were hoping we would get home in time before she hit.  We took another tap tap down the mountain and by the time we got to the bottom it was raining pretty hard.  In Haiti when it rains the streets become crazy, everyone is trying to get into tap taps or on motos.  We were soaked and I, of course, was covered in mud.  We came to the Tap Tap station and it was absolute chaos.  People were literally stamepeding over one another to get into the tap taps.  One lady was trampeled and no one stopped to help her up.  Another man was robbed while trying to get onto the tap tap and a fight broke out in the streets.  I imagine we looked like deer in the headlights when all of this was occuring.  I had no idea what to do or how the heck we were going to find a tap tap.  We decided to keep walking and hopefully find a tap tap down the road.  Thankfully we did.  Although Kayla had to sit on my lap for most of the ride.  Our adventure wasn't over yet though, not only were we tired, soaking wet, covered in mud, and sore from sitting in the tap tap for so long, but then the driver decides to stop for gas.  The gas station is full so we sat and waited for twenty minutes.  The driver finally becomes impatient and leaves.  We are nearing the hospital and of course our tap tap runs out of gas.  Well.. we did eventually make it to the hospital where Kayla's ride was waiting.  We had a great day, but I was definitely glad to be home.  Hurricane "Emily" was estimated to hit around 2am that morning.  We had quite the storm but it was definitely not as bad asth they were expecting.  However, we have had storms almost every night since, which probably makes up for the big storm. 
After working at the orphanage one day, I was at the hospital and sitting in Rigan's office.  He brought in a young girl (12 years old) who had just had surgery on her knee and was having her staples removed that day.  She was a funny girl and had lots of questions for me so we spoke back and forth and Rigan was our translator.  She asked my what I was doing in Haiti and I told her volunteering.  She then asked a very unexpected question.  She said "Do your friends and family beat you back home?" I was shocked by her question.  I told her no and that it is illegal in Canada for people to beat up other people. She then asked why I would come to Haiti then.  She said "they will beat you here".  We continued our conversation and that little girl honestly broke my heart.  I wish I could take her home with me.  I stayed with her while she got her stitches removed and held her hand.  She was scared but by the time the staples were out she hadn't even realized that Rigan had begun removing them.  I will never forget that girl. 
I spent August 5th in Leogange, and 6th-7th in Jacmel with Mark (Hospital Espoir volunteer from Conneticut) and Rigan.  When we got to Leogane Friday evening, we took motos and went out for dinner.  It was Mark's first time being on a moto.  Dinner was great and we had a lot of laughs.  When we got back to Rigans we played a few games of yahtzee and UNO then headed to bed.  We were planning on only spending Sunday in Jacmel but Mark has asked us if we would like to go up Saturday instead and rent a hotel.  We decided to do that.  Saturday morning we began packing our things.  We had no idea how we were going to get to Jacmel or where we were going to stay.  I recommended that we take motos.  Rigan wasn't so fond on the idea as most people in Haiti only take a moto as a last resort since they are known to be somewhat dangerous.   But of course we took them.   I also didn't know that it would be a two hour ride.  Although my butt and back were killing me by the time we got there I was sure glad we took them.  It was a hot day so it was nice to feel a breeze and we drove 2 hours through mountains and small villages, it was breath taking.  The scenery is literally indescripable, pictures wouldn't even do it justice.  We rented two motos.  Mark had one moto + his driver and on the other moto there was the driver, Rigan, myself + our two backpacks.  We arrived in Jacmel around 2pm and drove down one of the main roads until we came to a sign advertising a hotel.  We drove down the sidestreet and arrived at large white gates.  Mark and I were skeptical at first because the place looked deserted.  However, we toured around and the hotel was absolutely gorgeous !! The hotel is located in a cove with a private beach, restraunt, swimming pool, and bar.  Our room was simple but it had running water, electrcity and even air conditioning.  Also our room came with a cute little baby lizard who I named and fed (however he didn't last long, Rigan "accidently" killed him and I found a nice present underneath my pillow, the boys thought it was pretty funny.. I on the other hand did not :( )We could not believe we were still in Haiti.  It was like paradise.  We had a very relaxing afternoon.  We spent most of the day on the beach and in the pool.  We had dinner and some drinks and then decided to go out on the town and tour Jacmel.  We left the hotel around 9:30 and found two motos.  We got dropped off in the middle of town and did some walking.  We had no idea where we were going or where the nightlife hung out.  We ended up asking a group of girls and they told us to just walk towards the beach and follow the sound of the music.  It was neat walking through Jacmel.  A man stopped us on the street and wanted us to take a look at his drawings.  He spoke Engish very well.  I took a quick look just to be nice, but was not interested.  He kept persisting that I keep looking, Rigan became annoyed and him and the man got into a heated arguement.  Which was actually quite entertaining because instead of arguing in Creole they argued in Enlgish, but both only knew a few bad things to say to each other.  We kept walking and finally came to the nightclub.  The beach was completely covered in garbage, which is a shame, because if it wasn't for all the trash it would be a beautiful beach.  The nightclub was pretty busy, there were quite a few couples, and salsa dancing was the main attraction.  I could not believe the amount of people up dancing, and they were all very good! We were having a great night until Rigan recieved a phone call from the hospital.  The premie baby boy, which I had fallen in love with, passed away.  It hit me really hard.  The last time I saw him he seemed to be improving and gaining weight.  It broke my heart.  I felt horrible for spending the weeked at a nice hotel when he passed away.
We headed back to the hotel.  In the morning we receieved free breakfast and lounged around until eleven.  We went to the Tap Tap station and found a Tap Tap to take us back to Leogane.  We had lunch there and I grabbed the rest of my things from Rigans house then took a bus back to Port Au Prince.  When we arrived in Port Au Prince we went straight to the hospital. We stayed there for a few hours and then went to the guest house.  I was staying at the guest house that night since I was leaving for the Dominican in the morning and Rigan was going to arrange a ride to the bus station for me.  We had dinner and then hung out with the volunteers from California since it was there last night as well as Mark's.  In the morning I got up and got ready.  We all said our goodbyes and then I headed to the bus station on a Moto, I was almost late for my bus.  The bus ride was long and the border was absolutely crazy.  I can't even describe it to you, but it is not like any normal border.  We were running behind scheduel and didn't make it to Santo Domingo until about 7pm (we were supposed to arrive at four).  It is amazing to believe that Haiti and the Dominican Republic are on the same Island.  They are complete opposites.  Santo Domingo had shopping centers, McDonalds, Burger king, and speed limits !!! There were quite a few nice resorts.  I spent 6 days in the Dominican and relaxed.  I was glad I went, I caught up on some much needed sleep and beaches were beautiful.  I left the Dominican on the 13th and headed back to Haiti.  The bus was not as nice as the last one I rode in but we did make it for better timing.  I had no idea how I was going to get home from the bus station in Tabare though.  I had not made arrangements for a ride.  Luckily there was a man on the bus that could speak English and he helped me find a moto and told the moto where I needed to go.  However, there must have been some miscommunication because the driver tried to drop me off in the middle of nowhere.  I refused to get off the moto and became frustrated because I could not speak Creole and he could not understand English.  Once again I got lucky and right in front of where he dropped me off I noticed an organization for Scientology volunteers.  I knocked on the door and and spoke with one of the employees who could understand English.  I told him that I need to go to Hospital Espoir.  He knew where it was and explained to the driver how to get there.  It took us awhile and we got lost once but I finally arrived safely.  I was hoping that Dr. Gousse would be at the hospital or atleast I could call her from there.  It was my lucky day.  She was still there.  I was glad to be back at her house after a long day of traveling.  The next day we did not go to work.  Dr. Gousse had to go to Jacmel and plan the funeral for her Aunt who had just passed away.  I spent the day reading, and relaxing and then came to the conclusion that I would come home early and go back to University.  I miss school, and I never thought I would say that. I have been homesick for the first time as well.  And there have also been some complications/issues with one of the employees at the hospital so I arranged for me to leave the next day and return to OREA Orphanage (where I volunteered on my previous trip).  The same day I registered for classes and paid the tuition and also booked my flight home.  I will be returning on September 2nd.  Tuesday morning I packed up luggage and got a ride to the hospital with Dr. Gousse.  Jean picked me up from the hospital at eleven thirty.  It was such a relief to see him.  The orphanage had moved buildings since the last time I volunteered so I was unsure what the conditions would be like.  I could not believe it when I got there.  They now have a huge Orphanage with lots of rooms, kitchen, running water, and an area for the kids to play outside.  I was so happy to see all of the kids again, I couldn't believe how much I missed them.  Jean and his wife are fabulous.  I felt like I was at home when I arrived.  I have noticed some of the kids have lost quite a bit of weight but their living conditions have definitely improved.  We have spent the last few days making crafts (such as paper airplanes which was a blast!), colouring, playing sports (soccer & basketball- we made a makeshift net), blowing bubbles, and watching movies on the lap top.  I already am dreading the day tha I have to say goodbye to them again.  I will be spending my next two weeks here.  The kids are definitely keeping me busy.  I have been sick for the last couple of days, but the worst was last night.  I could not stop vomitting and spent the night with my head in a bucket and on the toilet and did not sleep at all.  I have thrown up 13 times since last night.  I am supposed to go to the airport at one today to pick up Lindsay but I am unsure if I will be able to go.  I have not been able to keep any food down and I am also running a fever.  If I am not better by tomorrow I will have to go to the hospital.  I am really hoping it is just from something I ate.  I am looking forward to seeing Lindsay and as well as returning home and going back to school.  I will miss Haiti and the kids but I think it is what I need to do.  I have been thinking about Caleb a lot lately and missing him like crazy. Always & forever in my heart.  RIP big guy. 

Motos, Kenèp , & Craziness.

Well I have now been in Haiti for a week and 3 days, seems like much longer than that.  I guess I have a lot to update you on.  I apologize for not posting a blog lately but I have been busy during the days and at night I am completely exhausted.  On the weekends I do not have internet access in Leogane.  It has been crazy, but I am loving it.  I spent most of last week at the hospital with Dr. Gousse & Rigan.  I of course spent most of my time with the babies.  I could stay there all day & night and watch them.  I worry about them a lot.  The smallest little guy weighed 800 grams the last time I weighed him.  I took temperatures and fixed oxygen tubes that the babies kept ripping out of their noses.  My favourite part of being there is watching them open their eyes and move around.  This week was the first time I heard the smallest one make any noises.  So cute.  The other little boy is doing well, I think he will be going home soon.  On Thursday his mom was there breast feeding him, it seemed to be going well.  I also spent one day assisting Rigan in the ER.  I learned a lot of new things and really enjoyed it.  We had a Tap Tap driver come in with a wound on his arm.  He was stabbed by a child because he would not give him money.  His arm was bleeding pretty bad, he needed stitches and he was very dizzy.  I felt dizzy as well, I do not handle blood well.  On Tuesday, Rigan and I stayed at the hospital a little longer than usual and then went to the supermarket to buy groceries.  We went back to the guest house and cooked dinner.  We made pasta.  One of Rigan's dogs just had puppies, they are adorable but the mom will kill anyone who tries to touch them.  After dinner we took a moto back to Dr. Gousse's house.  It was a long, bumpy, and rainy ride.  It was scary going up the mountains.  We got stuck a few times and Rigan and I had to get off so the driver could get out of the pot hole or up the hill.  We also got lost a few times and had to call Dr. Gousse.  Although it is terrifying at times, I love moto rides now ! I think I enjoy the adrenaline rush you get when the driver squeezes between two cars or when you have a car coming head on that is an inch away from you and swerves at the last moment, or maybe when you hit the pot holes or cracks in the road and have to hang on for dear life.  I think I would feel a lot safer though if helmets were provided.  Wednesday I spent the day at the hospital and spent the night doing computer work for Dr. Gousse.  I had to make spread sheets and enter every childs name, age, and birthdate, who attended the orphanages and schools.  There was over 500 kids.  I was up until midnight finishing the work, but I actually enjoyed doing it.  I learned a lot of names that way ! Thursday I spent the day at Rainbow of Love Orphanage & Hope Home.  In the morning I went to the hospital and met up with Evelyn who is working at Rainbow of Love Orphanage.  She is from Belgium and will be staying in Haiti for six months.  We went to the orphanage together.  The orphanage has 56 kids, all under the age of ten.  We played with the children and coloured with them.  Of course the kids, especially the boys, went crazy with my camera again.  After hanging out there I headed over to Hope Home which houses 20 handicap children.  I had a blast with them. I made necklaces with a few of the girls and then we coloured.  At lunch time I helped feed all of the children, it is a big chore, and quite difficult because some of them do not want to eat and others are unaware of what is going on and you have to force the food into their mouths, I felt bad.  Many of the kids had been sitting in soiled clothes all day, no one had changed them.  It was heartbreaking but also so rewarding at the same time. Being able to make them smile was the best feeling in the world.  I fell in love with all of the kids.  The youngest one at Hope Hope is a baby girl.  She is probably about 7 months old and is mute and blind.  She is cute as button!  Many of the children were injured in the earthquake and are now in wheelchairs, others have been neglected by their parents due to their disabilities.  After spending the day with all of the children I headed back to the hospital to meet up with Rigan.  Evelyn and I had to walk thirty minutes up hill in the scorching heat to the Tap Tap station.  It was torture.  I was so dehydrated by the time I got back to the hospital and was drenched in sweat.  After cooling off and drinking some water I went back to have one last visit with the babies before I headed to Leogane for the weekend.  Rigan and I left around four.  The traffic was absolutely crazy !!! We didn't end up arriving in Leogane until seven, so it was pitch black out.  We walked to Rigans house to drop off our bags and then took a moto to the "Pretty Lady" for dinner again.  I was sick Thursday night and Friday with stomach pains, fever, and I also think I was very dehydrated.  Friday morning Rigan hired a few guys to help him start fixing up the house.  They tore down a wall in the bathroom to make the shower larger, fixed the door so it would close, put screens on the windows, painted and fixed the toilet.  They got a lot done in one weekend !!! I spent the morning with baby Howard.  He is approx 5 months old and all smiles.  He was very hungry so I fed him some cheese.. it was hilarious ! He was covered in it by the time he was done and he bit my finger a few times.  I had also brought along a few infant outfits with me to give away.  One of them ended up fitting him.  In the afternoon I went to the bank with Rigan and then to the market to find myself some running shoes (since I forgot mine at home) and a soccer ball for the kids.  I also ended up buying an inflatable pool but was unable to use it this weekend since we didn't have a pump.  On the way home from the market we stopped so I could buy a local phone.  It only cost me $20 US.  We also stopped for lunch and while Rigan was ordering food I hung out with a few street children.  I gave them money in exchange for taking their photos.  I do not think any of them had seen a camera before.  Friday night I called home.  It is great to finally be able to do that !  If anyone wishes to call my number is 011-509-4640-5127 :) Saturday morning the guys were still working on the house so Rigan dropped me off at a local orphanage owned by a Canadian woman named Jasmine.  It is definitely a makeshift orphanage, they are not living in a proper building and they are still using tents.  She has over 50 kids. I was in heaven !!! There were so many little babies.  I spent almost my entire day in the nursery with the babies.  It was crazy !! At one point I was feeding three babies at once.  It seemed like every time I got one to stop crying or to fall asleep another would start crying or wake up.  Many of the children have been adopted, but she has new babies arriving all of the time.  Jasmine told me that I am welcome to visit whenever I would like, I am really looking forward to going back to visit and possibly staying with them for a few days.  I definitely developed a new addiction this weekend to a Haitian fruit called Kenèp.  The fruit comes in small berries the size of a golfball, with a peel that you bite off.  The inside contains a sweet, sticky, fruit that wraps around a hard pit.  It is more like candy or a snack, you will see many kids on the streets eating them.  Sunday morning afternoon we headed back to Port Au Prince.  We ended up going straight to the hospital and left around eight to take me home to Dr. Gousse's house.  Once again we took a moto up the mountains, got lost once or twice, but eventually found our way.  When I got home I hung out with Vicki and Ashley for a bit and they came up to my "apartment" and we made necklaces and watched a movie on my lap top.  I have not been sleeping well lately and find myself to be very exhausted, especially after long, hot, crazy days like today.  I arrived at the hospital at eight this morning and was picked up at nine thirty from Nadal who drove me to the guest house.  I spent the day at HC Orphanage assisting with running a day camp for over 100 children.  We picked up a group of 13 volunteers who had just arrived from California.  We had a blast today playing soccer with the kids, doing crafts, dancing, singing, skipping, etc.  However, it was VERY hot out and by the time Nadal arrived to pick us back up we were all drenched with sweat and exhausted.  I will be working at the orphanage all week, we will be doing different activities everyday.  I arrived back at the hospital around three and was ready for bed ! We got back to Dr. Gousse's around five thirty, ate dinner, I planned with the girls, and now relaxing.  It will be an early night for me as I am sure it will be a long & hot day tomorrow as well.  There is news that we have a hurricane on the way.. how ironic.. it is named "Hurricane Emily"... It is supposed to hit by Wednesday.  I am praying for those still living in tents and hoping that they can stay safe and also find a way to secure their belongings.  There is also another big cholera outbreak in the north.  The rain from the storm will likely spark many new cases.  I have a feeling the hospital will be busy for the next few weeks !  I am heading to the dominican republic on monday for 6 days.. It will be a much needed break from business.. hopefully I will be able to get some sleep finally.  I am loving what I am doing and enjoying spending time with the kids, but things have definitely been overwhelming and my experience is a lot different than the last one, it will take some time to adjust to things! Hope everything is going well back home, miss you all xoxo

Weekend in Leogane

Friday night we finished at the hospital around 8:30.  We took a Moto back to the guest house. It was my first time riding a Moto in Haiti.  I was scared at first due to the conditions of the road, the darkness, and the crazy Haitian drivers but I ended up having a blast !  When we got back to the guest house we had dinner.  We had chicken, liver, plantain, and rice.  After dinner Rigan and I went up to the roof of the house to enjoy the view of the mountains and the stars.  When we got back inside I went to get my clothes to change and when I put my hand in the bag I was bit by something.  I noticed a pile of aunts surrounding my bag.  I looked inside and it was full of ants, including all of my clothes.  The ants had even chewed a hole through my bag.  We spent about an hour going through my bag and getting all of the ants out of my clothes.  I can't even tell you how many ants we killed, the floor was covered in them.

Although I was exhausted, I had trouble sleeping.  I could not stop thinking about the two little babies at the hospital and wondering if they would make it through the night.  Thankfully they did. 

We were up and ready to go by 8 am.  We went for breakfast at Epi Dor which is a very nice restaurant.  There were quite a few "blancs" there which was unusual to see.  We had Crepes.  After breakfast we met up with Dr. Gousse and her daughter.  She is a very nice lady and I am looking forward to my stay with her.  Rigan and I then walked back towards the hospital where we found a tap tap.  We had to take two tap taps to get to the bus station.  I was very tired and was finding it hard to stay awake.  I drifted off a few times.  When we got to the bus station we took the "Obama" bus to Leogane.  It usually only takes 45 mins from Port Au Prince but due to traffic it took us two hours.  It was a beautiful drive along the water.  When we arrived in Leogane the first things I noticed was how green it was and all of the small villages.  It reminded me a lot of Ghana.  After getting off of the bus we walked through the earthquake ravished town.  Rigan pointed out where things used to be and what the land was used for before the earthquake.  He showed me where his old highschool used to be, there are only bleachers remaining and it is now being used as a tent city.  After walking for about ten minutes in the scorching heat we decided to take a Moto (thank God). We finally arrived at Rigan's house and I was introduced to some of his brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews.  They are all living on the same property but they are too afraid to stay inside the cement house because they are worried that another earthquake may hit.  They live in the backward in wooden huts with tarps over them.  Rigan is the only one brave enough to stay in the house.  You can see all of the cracks from when the earthquake hit but a group of NGO's had offered to fix the cracks for Rigan.  There is nothing left inside the house except Rigan's dresser, air matress, fan, and some of his clothes because when the earthquake hit it took off the door and people came in and stole his family's belongings.  I was exhausted when we arrived so I decided to take a nap.  After napping Rigan bought us some food from a street vendor.  We had pork & plantain and for desert we had corn and canep (type of Haitian fruit).  It began to rain in the afternoon.  One of Rigan's younger brothers had asked to borrow the soccer ball because he and some friends wanted to play a game in the new field that they had created.  I asked Rigan if we could go play with them.  On our way to the field we walked through some small villages then took a Moto to the field.  The field is located in the middle of a voodoo village where Rigan's birth mother is from.  The village is very poor, most of the children had never been to school, and the soccer field.. well.. if no one had told me it was a soccer field, I never would have known.  When we arrived there the boys were in the process of cutting down palm trees with machetes to use them as goal posts.  They tied string at the tops to show where the net was.  They are very creative.  The younger boys were shy at first but by the end of the night I could not get them off of me.  I let them play with my phone and my camera, they took over 200 pictures and were laughing the entire time.  One little boy- probably about 3 came and sat on my lap.  He was all by himself and had just wandered off from the village.  He fell asleep in my arms and his mom ended up coming to get him and she would not stop thanking me.  She sat and talked to me for awhile (while at least we attempted to talk- luckily one of the little boys helped to translate).  In the middle of the field there were 3 horses, so of course, the field was covered in horse waste.  I had a lot of fun playing with the boys and was sad to leave them.  We walked through their village and stopped at a little hut made of tin.  Inside they had set up cables and a TV, it was there movie theatre.  It was very interesting to see.  I sat and watched with them for awhile while Rigan tried to find us a Moto to take back home.  When we got home we changed and then left again for dinner.  It was pitch black out by then and I had never traveled anywhere in Haiti after dark.  I was a little concerned, but of course everything went fine.  We went to a restaurant called "Pretty Lady" it was an outside restaurant and very nice. The food was good as well.  When we were finished eating we went to Rigan's brothers nightclub where the All Hands Volunteers are stationed, they camp on the top of it.  We sat and had a beer with Rigan's brother and his children.  His children live in the states so it was fun talking with them !  We left the nightclub around 10:30 and took another Moto back to Rigan's house.  I took a bucket shower then headed to bed. I slept very well that night.
We woke up around 6:30 and I was covered in bug bites.  I had forgotten to pack bug spray as well as sunscreen and running shoes.  I took another bucket shower and got ready.  We had soup for breakfast, it is a famous dish in Haiti and is eaten on new years.  It is supposed to be very good for you.  I was skeptical at first but it was delicious.  We left the house around 8 and went back to the bus station.  On the ride home the traffic was not as bad and our driver drove very fast !!! Luckily there are no speed limits in Haiti.  When we got to Port Au Prince we went back to Epi-dor restaurant for lunch.  Dr. Gousse met us there with her two daughters and niece to take me to her house.  Rigan decided to come along.  She lives in Petion-ville which is up in the mountains, it is a nice area.  The roads were crazy, and we were flying everywhere.  We finally arrived at her house and I could not believe my eyes ! It is the nicest house I have seen in Haiti.  My apartment is separate from the house and is also very nice.  I have two beds, a couch, bathroom, air conditioning, and internet.  It is completely different from my last experience in Haiti, it will take some adjusting.  Her daughter Ashley is 7 and can speak very good english as well as her niece Vicki who is 5.  Vicki lives in Miami and is just here on vacation.  After unpacking I took a nap.  I woke up around 3 and then ate dinner.  Ashley and Vicki wanted me to play with them.  They came and hung out with me in my apartment and went nuts with my camera and ipod.  Later in the evening I hung out with the older daughter and her older niece who are my age.  I tried teaching them english and they attempted to teach me french.  We watched TV and then I went to bed.  I very tired once again.
I slept well last night and woke up at six this morning to get ready for work.  We left the house around 8 and picked up another doctor then went to Rigan's guest house to grab my luggage.  We arrived at the hospital around 9.  I was introduced to Gladys who runs the hospital, orphanage, and school.  We hung out in Doctor Gousse's office and then Rigan took me to see my babies ! I was so excited to see them :).  Around eleven I left with Doctor Gousse to visit three different orphanages.  First we stopped at Hope Home which orphans physically and mentally disabled children.  I did not get to stay for long, only enough time to say hi to the kids.  We then went over to The Village Orphanage.  It has 54 children !! I couldn't believe the number of little kids running around.  They were so cute and some of them know some English.  After getting a tour and saying hi we left to go to an orphanage located outside of Cite Soliel.  Doctor Gousse had to give the children check ups.  The orphanage is pretty big and has quite a few children.  This orphanage has older kids, up to the age of twenty.  I was given a tour of the orphanage then sat with some of the girls and watched Freedom Writers.  We were there until about one thirty.  I will be coming back to all three of the orphanages often.  Tomorrow I am spending the day at the Village and at Hope Home.
Tonight has been a quiet and relaxing night.  I just received my luggage today from the guest house so I am finishing unpacking. 
I am glad to be back in Haiti and I am looking forward to working everyday.  I will be visiting OREA Orphanage soon, I really miss the kids !
Thinking of everyone back home & miss you.  xoxo

& The Journey Begins

After a heart breaking goodbye to my loved ones back home, I have finally arrived in Haiti.  At first I was unsure of if I was ready to return to Haiti just yet, but as soon as I saw the beautiful Island from the plane, I smiled and when the airplane wheels hit the Haitian soil, I felt a sense of belonging. I was greeted with craziness and a wave of heat.  My flight was two hours delayed due to problems at the airport, we were unable to land, so instead we flew around Cuba and Dominican Republic.  When I arrived at the airport I could not believe the mass amount of people.  It was definitely a different experience from my first arival in PAP.  The line up for immagration was huge !!! I finally retrieved my baggage and headed towards the gates to meet Rigan (hoping that he was still there).  Thankfully he was.  We had to wait for a driver so we found some shade and some water.  Driving through Port Au Prince brought back memories of my last trip. I can't believe how much I missed the crazy driving, the streets filled with people, and the horrible roads.  It made me smile. Although my heart is aching and missing those back home, I know that this is where I need to be right now.  I am staying with Rigan tonight and we are leaving for Leogane (his home town) tomorrow morning.  The guest house is absolutely beautiful and even has running water and electricity.  I couldn't believe it.  Rigan and I hung out there for a bit to cool off and then we headed up to Hospital Espoir.  It is about a ten minute walk from the guest house.  When we arrived we visited all of the patients in the hospital.  Then we got on our gear and headed to the premie room.  There were three premature babies today, however, one did not make it :(... The other two are also having complications, it will be a miracle if the little boy survives.  He is so tiny and skinny, but so adorable especially when I touched his hand and he opened his eyes and looked up at me. Brought me to tears.  The little girl is doing okay, although tonight she is having problems breathing and has a fever, she is also very tiny and so adorable.  I spent most of the night with these little ones.  I don't know how I am going to go home and sleep tonight.  Please pray for them.  I am still at the hospital now and I am completely exhausted.  Rigan just left on the motorbike to grab us some food.  It has been a long and emotional day.  I do not have internet at the guest house, so I will only be able to update when I am at the hospital.  Hope everyone is doing well back home, thinking of you !