Three Years!

This month marks three years since I founded Hime For Help.  For the past three years, I have been a penniless vagabond with holes in my traveling shoes. I didn't start a Not for Profit to save money or to build my career, and I definitely didn't start it to start a Children's Home in Haiti. I blindly jumped into this opportunity with $500 in my pocket and the hopes of exploring the world outside of Chatham-Kent's suburbs. I wanted to meet new people, I wanted to help those people, I wanted to do all that I possibly could to make some kind of difference and to try to impact at least one life.  I also wanted to travel, to try new foods, and get completely lost in unfamiliar situations. So I guess that’s how throughout the past 3 years I came to find myself sitting on picturesque Haitian Mountains, walking along typhoon torn roads in the Phillippines, cuddling my gorgeous children who have now become the biggest part of my life, and living a life full of chaos and uncertainty. This life of mine has turned into something rather extraordinary, and although I am cautiously yet swiftly sifting through my savings and exhausting myself with radical adventures, I love it.  I wouldn't change it for the world.  

The majority of these three years have been spent without a proper Tim Hortons, without a haircut, a warm shower, a hug from my parents. Three years without air conditioning and a microwave, without a flushing toilet, without spirited greetings from my dogs, without snow and fresh salads. But it has also been three years filled with an immense amount of love.  Three years of finding myself.  Three years of learning about our world and meeting people who have suffered such great loss yet still retain such hope and faith.  Three years without a yearning to overachieve, and without the invisible pressure to look fabulous 24/7. For the past three years I have indulged in fresh pineapple, mango, and coconut on a daily basis, and have never once felt insecure about the makeup-less face that I present to the world every morning. This past year has been filled with indescribable challenges that have pushed my being to the brink of insanity, and ultimately led me to a state of complete satisfaction with life. Some people search their entire lives for something to provide them with that feeling, and to have found it already at the age of 22 is perhaps my greatest achievement thus far.

In truth, though, it doesn't feel like an entire three years have passed. I have been so preoccupied with keeping myself hydrated and learning to communicate without unknowingly offending Haitian culture that the daily change of date happens without much notice. People here don’t live by the minute hand like Canadians/Americans, so in experimenting with my ability to fully integrate, I too find myself working by the sun and the rain. Time is just a four-letter word, and I have discovered that conducting a lifestyle based on everything but the clock makes the days progress rapidly.  And in between those long timeless afternoons playing soccer with my boys, cuddling my baby girls, and playing dominoes in the streets with old men, I have gained a greater education than I ever received as a stressed out student. Instead of simply reading about worldly topics and current events, I have lived it. I have experienced the high fever of Malaria and painstakingly washed my laundry by hand with well water. I have (kind of successfully) soothed the screams of a laboring woman as she gave birth to her premature son without medication. I have smelled the heavenly scent of fresh organic food cooking in the streets and seen the backbreaking process that keeps the families that provide these foods alive.  

Coming back to Haiti is always hard.  The discipline I had instilled in the children has disappeared and I have to reteach them all over again.  I have to retrain staff- which is not an easy process especially since they tend to be so stubborn.  The house was a disaster.  Many things were broken and lost.  These past three weeks have consisted of a lot of frustration.. and a lot of yelling... but also a lot of cuddling and soaking up every lost minute with my babies.  Putting them to bed still remains my favourite part of the day, rocking them to sleep and hearing "Mama I love you" is such an unfathomable feeling that nothing could ever compare to.  We were able to finish rebuilding our chicken coop today which is bigger and better than I ever could have imagined, thanks to Val! And our boys named our chickens today.. we have Justin Bieber (the rooster), Celien Dion, Daphka, Dezod (which means bad in Haiti), Bella, and Laura.  The kids were so excited and so proud of themselves for finding the courage to go inside the pen with them and pet them.  It has been a long few weeks, but I am over the moon to be back "home". 

I am sitting here writing this blog with bugs chirping in the background and my boyfriend sitting next to me... A boyfriend? Living together in Haiti? This is something I never would have imagined three years ago.  I never thought that I would find someone who would be so accepting of my crazy life and who would love and care for 17 children that were not his own.. I had become content with lonliness.. I could never expect someone to accept this life of mine or want to live with me in Haiti.. but then I met Ryan and everything changed.  He has also now become a huge part of my life and I am so grateful for him.  

Three years ago I never could have imagined being where we are today.  What started out to be a small website hooked up to a paypal account for family and friends to donate towards organizations I had worked with or met during my volunteer months in Haiti, has now morphed into something so much bigger.  It has morphed into my entire life.  We still struggle, living off donation to donation, but three years ago.. I never thought we could start a Children's home.. that we could rent a big enough house to do so... that we could provide for these kids... that we could sustain ourselves.  Yet here we are today, its still so hard for me to notice our achievements sometimes because it always feels as if there is so much more I want to be doing for our kids or so many more people I want to be helping.  But in this moment, I look back with tear filled eyes and feel a sense of pride.. not even for myself.. but for my kids who never lost hope in me, who still loved me just as much when I became frustrated or unmotivated, for my staff for putting up with my moments of anger and who continue to love these kids as if they were their own, for all of my supporters.. because I honestly could not be here without you.  You have made the impossible quite possible and I am forever grateful for you.  Thank you to all of you who have motivated me when I needed it most, who loved me when I was unlovable, who continued to believe in me during those moments that I gave up hope.  We are so grateful for you. 

Life is still crazy as ever and I know we are going to have many more bumps in the road, but I also know that we will make it through.  We always do! 

Glimpse into the past three years: