Goodbyes are Never Easy ..

Tonight as I sit beneath the stars with my head torch shinning off these pages I feel a deep sadness that is oh so familiar. It's the type of sadness that many of us humanitarians often feel. It's the type of sadness that is inevitable and unavoidable. It's the sadness of having to say goodbye. We experience this sadness as we leave home and kiss our family and friends goodbye but it's also the sadness when you have to leave a place where you know your work is not yet finished. It is the hurt of saying goodbye to the children and adults that you quickly fell in love with. The ones that captured your heart and gave you a joy you can't quite explain. It's the sadness of leaving an island, or better yet a country that has inspired you and that has taught you so much. Not just about a culture or the kindness and resilient-ness of people, but even more so about yourself. The Philippines has turned away a bitterness that I had felt after Haiti and it has reminded me why I became a humanitarian. It was not a choice- but it is something deeply engraved in my genetic code- it's in my blood. It has it's negatives and positives and sometimes it exposes you to things that are hard to bare but I have come to realize that I am at my absolute fullest - whole hearted- my richest and my happiest when I am helping others, when I am surrounded by "real" life and when I am working in chaos with nothing but a backpack on my back. This is my REALITY. This is what I call LIVING. Living is laying beneath the stars and reminiscing and counting your blessings. It's walking through swamps, sinking in quicksand, being covered in dirt, being eaten alive by Mosquitos, ants, & plenty of other little buggers. Its screaming at the top your lungs when you notice a tarantula chillin beside your bed. It's hearing children laugh as they play beneath the rubble. It's when kids come skipping along and take your hand and beg you to sing to them again as it takes their minds off the current circumstances. It's singing "baby" by Justin Bieber over & over & over again until you actually begin to loathe the song. It's riding around in a little tricycle where a small Filipino boy has to peddle and haul your fat arse around. It's eating army ration packs, suffering from diarrhea without a working toilet and yes- sometimes even without toilet paper. It's when a big NGO looks at you and shakes your hand and thanks you for coming completely on your own and saving a woman (& reaching others) that they were unable to get to. It's when a big tough Irish army man has to borrow your flowery pink socks because we have run out of clean clothes. It's setting up a mobile medical clinic in a small village where over 40 homes have been wiped out and that no aid group has visited and tons of people come out of the wood works and line up in front us to receive treatment. It's handing a child a bag of candy or a pair of shoes and seeing their beautiful faces light up like the 4th of July. It's holding a hand or looking a 75 year old man in the eyes as he explains how he has now lost everything that he has ever worked for because Mother Nature decided to be cruel. It's sharing the pain that they are feeling and although we cannot give them much, we can at least give them a shoulder to lean on. It's exchanging languages and cultural beliefs. It's feeling comfortable with being uncomfortable. Living is caring, loving, learning and reaching out to those in need and reassuring them that they are loved, they are needed, and that we do care. No credentials are needed to do this work- just a beating heart that contains compassion. My days are quickly coming to an end here in the Philippines (only 3 days left) but I will not forget the people that have touched my heart and the lessons that I have learned. And I most definitely will be back !!

Meant to be Here

Today we saved a woman from loosing her leg & potentially her life. Her lacerations were deep. Infection was spreading. It has been 2 weeks that she has been laying in bed like this in a remote village after a steel pole fell on her during the typhoon. We were able to get an ambulance to pick her up and bring her to a medical clinic that the Spanish have set up on the island. Out of everything I have witnessed and done this trip - this justified me coming here. This is when I can sit back and say "I know I was meant to be here".

Bantayan Island

Finally made it to Banyatan island - most destruction I've seen yet. We are currently working in a small village where over 40 homes have been completely wiped out. As I sit here and try to put myself into their shoes my eyes fill with tears. I can't. I can't imagine loosing not only my home but everything I've ever worked for, all of my personal belongings... Everything. But yet again these people continue to amaze me with their strength and their resilience. Every day they are working in the streets cleaning the rubble and rebuilding their homes. Recently I had the common statement "why don't you help the people in your own backyard" and nothing infuriates me more. They ARE in my own backyard. Just because my backyard may extend longer than yours - and just because they may be in the farthest corner of my backyard does not mean that I don't help them. If you look down on our world from outer space what do you see ? You see land and bodies of water. What you do NOT see is fences, border lines, & political bullshit. This world is my backyard. These people are my people. This is my responsibility. I will love and care for them as if they are my friends, my family, because that's my duty as a human being. WE ARE ONE !!!!!

Yearning ...

Oh Haiti, how I yearn for you ...
I miss the days full of chaos, dirty diapers, snotty noses, and scraped knees. I miss waking up in the morning to babies crawling over me and the glow of the morning sun in my window. I miss the sound of kids playing and cheering as the boys run across the yard trying to score on their opponents. I miss the beauty of the mountains and the surrounding oceans. I miss sitting on the roof thinking about my life and realizing how truly blessed I am. I miss Haiti.
I yearn to be back in the country that is complicated, frustrating, dangerous, and absolutely bonkers. I yearn to be back where motos go zipping by me and people are hanging off the backs of taptaps. Where people are dancing and singing in the streets and yes - sometimes even burning tires. Where the smell of food, sewage, and garbage fill my nostrils. I yearn to be home. I yearn to be with my babies. I yearn to be with my friends. I miss the feeling of worthiness - that I am doing something with my time that is worthwhile. I feel as if I am rotting here. Day to day its the same old thing. I miss the adventures, the craziness, the unfathomable circumstances that appear on my doorstep. I miss the hugs, the kisses, the smiles, the neighbourhood kids screaming my name as I drive by or running up beside me as I walk down the street to hold my hand. I miss it all. Time to go back ? ... My heart is thinking so.

Home Sweet? Home

Less than three years ago, Haiti was just a place on a map to me. To be honest, I didn't even know where it was. I knew what everyone else knew – about the earthquake, about the number of people killed and displaced, about what a tough time the Haitians have been through. I knew that it was the poorest country from a geography class that I had taken in high school and I knew that the Haitians had been led my a corrupt government. After deciding to travel to Haiti I decided to do a little more research. I found out a little bit more about their history, about the problems with disease (cholera specifically), and I tried to study a map and become familiar with the different areas. When I arrived in Haiti, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. But boy was I wrong. My mom summed it up perfectly for me- "I saw it on TV, I saw photos and videos, but you only think it was one area affected, but this- this is so much bigger. It is so much more than what the news shows". After spending a summer in Haiti and working in orphanages, medical clinics, and hospitals and learning some basic Creyole, I once again thought I knew everything about the country. When I officially moved to Haiti in April 2012, I definitely thought I knew almost everything I could know about the country besides the language and I thought I knew what to expect taking over an orphanage in the countryside since I had already spent a great deal of time there working in orphanages. And once again.. I was proven wrong. Haiti is a complex country full of amazing people, beautiful countryside, and the most precious little children. However, it is also full of corruption, crime, disease, and poverty. There are things in Haiti that I hear and witness that I won't ever be able to make sense of or comprehend. Even now, sitting here and typing this blog after living in Haiti for a year - roughing it for seven of those months- and being exposed to everything I thought I could be, I know now that I will never truly understand the complexities of Haiti. But what I do understand is that my heart is there. That is the one thing that I am absolutely certain about.

As most of you have already figured out, I have been away from Haiti for some time now. I spent two months traveling. I lived out of a suitcase and backpack and passed through fourteen different airports- some more than once. As a few of you also know, I left Haiti due to some security issues I had encountered as well as personal health problems including broken bones. I can say that although I missing Haiti and my beautiful babies more than anything, after two months of traveling and a year of living oversea's, I am happy to be home.

Sometimes it is easy to lose faith in people, or in humanity as a whole. But sometimes one act of kindness is all it takes to give you hope again. In April, after a series of dreadful events, I was left feeling completely drained. As much as I didn't want to, I became stuck in a horrible mental and emotional state and just knew that I had to leave Haiti. But I couldn't do it on my own. A group of friends came together and helped me to get out of Haiti because of course- working as a humanitarian and not receiving any kind of payment- there was no money for flights. I cannot thank those people enough that came through for me and who opened their arms, their wallets, their doors, and most of all their hearts to me. During my travels I met and stayed with the most amazing people. I visited Guernsey- a beautiful island between France and England which contained a vast amount of history (yes, I am a history geek). Then I was able to also spend some time in London, England. I cannot explain the connection that I felt with England, I think it may be because that is where my family is from. My Dad was born there and moved to Canada with my grandparents when he was a kid. I have a lot of family still living in the UK and had always begged to go and visit but this was my first time. I was fascinated by the buildings and just the entire atmosphere. I then came back to Canada and stayed in Claremont- a tiny little town outside of Toronto where my cousin lives. We played guitar and sang songs and caught up as I had not seen her in what seemed like forever! Then I was back to the airport and off to Los Angeles where I stayed with volunteers that had previously visited Haiti. We walked to the pier and visited some cool shops and also went for a thai massage. After that we headed to Lemoore, a small town that was pretty much a mini version of Mexico. I had a great time relaxing and we also headed down to Fresno for my friends graduation and then to San Francisco to a Giants game. After that I was once again back to the airport, spent four days in Canada and surprised my Mom for Mother's Day then was off to Vancouver where I spent three weeks. Vancouver was absolutely breath taking. I fell in love with the scenery and the people. I stayed with my friend Alex who had brought the band "The Boom Booms" down to Haiti. I had the best time of my life during those three weeks. They all made me feel so welcome and I have definitely made some everlasting friendships. I also got to go with the band to the studio where they were recording (the armoury studios) and was introduced to a man named Chin Injeti. To be honest, I didn't know who Chin was at first- I knew he was a nice guy with a big heart who became a friend very quickly- but I had no idea how talented he was. Chin produced for Eminem, Kanye West, Jay Z etc and was also part of the band Base is Base. He has won a few grammy's and other awards and is now producing "The Boom Booms" new album. I was privileged enough to be able to attend a few of "The Boom Booms" events including a gig at an art gallery in Robert's Creek. That weekend was a blast and I had so much fun with alex and all of the guys as well as Courtney- whose house we stayed at. She lives in a beautiful log house right on the ocean. It was the perfect getaway. I ended up spending my twenty first birthday there as well and of course Alex threw me a little party and Theo (the drummer) cooked me a nice birthday dinner and then we enjoyed some chocolate cake. I could not have asked for a more perfect way to spend my birthday. As my time in Vancouver was coming to an end I was not so content with leaving like I thought I would be. I had developed some awesome relationships there and had fallen in love with Vancouver completely. After Vancouver, I was home for another three days and then took off to Vegas with my Mom and Stepdad. Vegas was just a whole new experience. My Stepdad and Mom go every other year to attend the Celtic Football Convention, and this year, since I had just turned twenty one, I tagged along. My stepdad is from Scotland and is huge into soccer. It was nothing like I could have ever imagined. There was approximately 5,000 people there from Scotland, Ireland, England, Australia, the States, and Canada. They all sang scottish songs and danced. It was like they were all family. It was a really cool experience and I met so many wonderful people. I am looking forward to attending more often now !!!

So, now I am back home. I had a really hard time adjusting the last few times I had been home but right now I enjoying catching up with old friends and visiting family. So much has changed since I left, but so much has also remained the same. I neglected so many things here in Canada when I took off to Haiti so now is my time to play catch up. I have numerous appointments (doctors, dentist, physiotherapy, licence, etc) and so much paperwork I feel like it is never ending. But every time I check something off of my list I feel that much closer to sanity. I am working for my Dad and helping him out for the summer with his business and also just got a job at a restaurant out on the lake waitressing on evenings and weekends to make some extra cash. Although I want to rush back to the airport and jump on a plane to the Carribean Island where my heart is, I know that right now I need to take everyone's advice and focus on me. I experienced a lot of trauma this past year, whether is be constantly witnessing death, poverty, and disease or suffering from illnesses myself and even the trauma from a moto accident as well as my notorious paragliding episode among other things. My body needs time to heal (doctors words), as well as my mind. Right now, I don't know what the future holds. My heart is still in Haiti, my wish is still to be back in the house cuddling my babies and carrying on with my routine there, but I feel okay knowing that they are being taken care of by my friends and Haitian staff. I guess right now the best thing that I can do is make sure that I am 100% and to continue on with fundraising in Canada to support the kids. My goal is to take a year off from Haiti (however, still going back for visits) and work, get settled, and possibly finish my degree in Criminology & Sociology. I found a nice apartment out on the water in a small community where I will be working and move in August 1st. I am looking forward to having a place of my own with all of my personal belongings in it, and I could not ask for a better location. It is close enough to home, but also far enough away to not be overwhelmed. I think I just need some solid ground for a little while, some time to gather thoughts and process things that I was unable to process in the midst of my chaotic life in Haiti.

It's hard coming back to a developed country and trying to immerse yourself back into a life that once was the only thing you knew. I am still experiencing a great deal of culture shock. Sometimes I want to dance and laugh with my friends until midnight, and sometimes I feel like I just want to screen my calls and hide away in a tragic novel or movie. Sometimes I spend an hour getting ready and prettying myself up, and others I could barely be bothered to comb the knots out of my hair before I leave the house. Sometimes I want to be in the company of a loved one. Other times that seems as impossible as waking up in the morning and finding myself fluent in french. I find myself often wanting to be alone than with other people right now. But then again, that just leaves me feeling lonely at times. Everything is so up and down, and I know time will be the only thing to solve this.

I've really learned a lot this year whether it be certain tips or precautions to take while traveling in Haiti or whether it be life lessons. Here are just a few of them:

1) Carrying around a roll of toilet paper in Haiti is essential.

2) Things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way there were before.

3) Beauty and poverty are so interlaced in Haiti that you see the both of them within each other. You see the unpleasant living quarters painted in bold bright colours. The naked children clothed in beautiful smiles. The crystal clear blue ocean water that is the backdrop of a small struggling village. The hand made fishing boats that are manned with hard working men and children who spend countless hours untangling their nets.

4) Although we may be separated by border lines, bodies of water, and different governmental systems, people are people no matter where you go. Teenagers still have attitude, little ones love to be cuddled, open arms and a big smile are always a great way to begin a friendship, hand signals are definitely a means of communication, candy and bubbles always make children happy. That each and every one of us strive for success, for love, for affection, and most of all, we all just want happiness.

5) At times we all fall down holes that we can't climb out of by ourselves. That's what friends and family are for- to help. They can't help, however, unless you let them know you're down there.

6) Always check your bed for cockroaches or any other unwanted species before crawling into it.

7) It is important to always conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart becomes heavy with remorse.

8) You can carry pretty much everything on a moto. Including boxes full of groceries. And you can even fit six people on at once- although it is not recommended.

9) It is nice to have money and the things that money can buy, but I am so much more whole without it. The struggle makes you truly appreciate the simple things in life that you once took for granted.

10) Once you have been confronted with a life and death situation, trivia no longer matters. Your perspective grows and you live at a much deeper level. There's no longer time for pettiness.

11) My dreams of working for the UN have been blown up completely.

12) Soup Joumou (pumpkin soup) should be mandatory in North America.

13) Do not show up ten minutes early for anything- including government meetings- because you will end up being an hour or even two hours early instead.

14) Do not ever expect to get more than one thing accomplished in a day in Haiti. If you get one thing accomplished, be happy. If you get two things accomplished, consider yourself very lucky.

15) Sometimes letting go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.

16) Never travel without medical insurance.

17) Make sure that when you eat pancakes for breakfast you put the bottle of syrup in a high up cupboard where your two year old will not be able to reach it, chug the whole bottle, hide in your curtains and attempt to scare you, and then jump on your bed until two am screaming "I LOVE YOU MAMA, MAMA SAY I LOVE YOU"

18) There is a story behind everything. How a photo got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. How you ended up where you are now. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are unbelievably hard and heartbreaking. Never judge someone because you will never know every single detail of their story. And most importantly, never minimize their story.

19) Everyone will always tell you what you "should" do. But only YOU know what you "need" to do.

20) Always follow your heart. It is good to take your head along with you but your heart is where your passion lies, and only by following your passion will you find your truest and most happiest self.

21) I learned early in life that if you discover something that makes you tighten inside, you had better try to learn more about it. If you simply choose to ignore it, then you will never know what might happen, and in many ways that is so much worse than finding out that you were wrong in the first place. Because at least if you are wrong, you can go forward with your life without looking back over your shoulder and wondering what might have been.

My heart is aching like it has never ached before knowing that I am going to miss out on so many awesome things with my kids over this next year. I can only hope that they are able to understand that I want to be there with them and that they know I miss and love them more than anything in this world. It's crazy to think that it was only a year and a few months ago when we entered each others lives, but within that year we have developed such an unbreakable bond, now, they are my entire world. We have had so many struggles and obstacles over this past year and there were times when I began to lose hope and also times when I wanted to rip all of my hair out.. but to be honest.. I would never take back one single moment I spent in Haiti. Through the pain, the tears, the struggles, there has been so many more smiles, laughs, and love. These kids have given me so much more than I could ever possibly give them. This year is going to be the most difficult year of my life, but I know that this too will only make us stronger. I am so proud of all of my kids and it is the most rewarding thing watching them grow up into the little people they are becoming. I never expected to be a single mom of ten children at the age of twenty one, but it is by far the best gift that I have ever been given.

Right now I am trying to plan a number of fundraisers throughout the summer ! We need to raise $10,000 by the end of September to pay the rent for our house for another year. If anyone is able to host a fundraiser or has any fundraiser ideas please contact me via email (emily@himeforhelp.org) or facebook. I truly appreciate all of your ongoing support and encouragement. I could definitely not do this without the help of all of you !!!

The Start of the Rest of my Life...

A year ago today I boarded a plane to once again return to this small Caribbean island of Haiti. I came to Haiti this time to help support an orphanage that was struggling financially. Little did I know, that a year ago from today I would become a single mother to nine children, at the age of nineteen. A year ago today I had no idea that my life would be so magnificently transformed and be filled with a type of love that I never knew existed. This journey has not been the easiest and I have had my fair share of struggles. But as I write this today I look back to that first day with my kids and have tears in my eyes... as every obstacle we over came, every illness we faced, every heart-wrenching event that crossed our paths, we made it- together- as a family. And I would not have it any other way.

I was on my way to earning a double major- BA(honors) in Criminology & Sociology at the University of Windsor. I had the most perfect little house, a beat up blue sunfire, a job I enjoyed, a boyfriend I had fallen deeply in love with, and a family that meant (and still does mean) the world to me. I had everything that our Western Society claims is "important". But something was missing. It had been since I had returned home from my last trip to Haiti in September 2011 that I began to feel a great void and realized how deeply unhappy I was with my luxurious life back in Canada. At the age of seventeen I had decided to do the unthinkable and book myself a volunteer trip to Ghana, Africa. On that trip I really learned what life is all about and I developed a deep passion for volunteering and traveling. It exposed me to things that I had only seen on television and made me develop a new sense of reality. I decided to travel to Haiti after my trip to Ghana as I had this ache in my heart to be once again doing something meaningful. During my first trip to Haiti in May 2011 I fell deeply in love with this chaotic and complex country. I found myself here. I found a place that I felt at ease, where my heart constantly felt full, and where I felt as if I could be my truest self. I fell in love with the people and their vibrancy and resiliency. So when I got this call about a small orphanage that needed assistance, it took me all of forty five minutes to decide after that I would pack up my entire existence into 3 suitcases and give up my former life full of the finer things to live in a small house with no electricity, no running water, tarantulas & cockroaches running up and down my walls, absolutely no furniture and to ride on the back of motorcycles and be covered in piss, snot, and vomit on a good day- human feces on a bad. To most- this sounds absolutely ludicrous. But within this past year I have learned lessons that my University would have never taught me. I have been put into situations that were extremely uncomfortable but allowed me to grow as an individual and to become completely open minded. I have learned to speak a new language within six short months as I had no one to translate or tell me what my children wanted. I have dealt with loss, sorrow, corruption, and severe suffering. It has taught me patience, persistence, strength, and most of all - love. I not only became a mother but also a teacher, a nurse, a tutor, a handy-woman, and a 24/7 on call support system, patient transporter, translator, affection giver, piggy bank, and a cater to whatever needs arise with those that surround me. What more could I ask for ? I am still learning more and more with each day that passes. My kids teach me the greatest lessons of all. I came here hoping to change their lives, but in totality- they are the ones that are changing mine.





It is astounding looking back to last year and the way that we survived with such little. I still remember using the bucket as a toilet. I still remember ONLY being able to have bucket showers and getting so frustrated because I couldn't get the shampoo out of my hair. I remember laying in bed with my BB gun and shooting all of the tarantulas and cockroaches that appeared from every crevice. I remember tires flying off big transport trucks into our front yard where our kids were playing soccer. I remember the humiliation the kids felt when our water basin dried up and they had to go to school or church without bathing. I remember throwing mangoes at my friends for fun. I remember that when dark hit at 6:30 pm we would rush to the rooms to find the flash lights and continue to have dance offs, domino matches, or play hide n go seek. I remember walking to the beach every day and becoming so bonded with a donkey. I remember the rare occasions (once every two weeks) when they would give us electricity and a huge celebration would take place. I remember struggling every day and worrying where we would come up with the funds to continue feeding the children. I remember being stuck on the top of a bunk bed paralyzed from the waist down and hallucinating from the Malaria that was rummaging through my body and not having anyone to transport me to a hospital. I remember when the hurricane hit and huddling together with a family that I had fallen so deeply in love with on the top of a mountain and embracing the winds and rain together as their house tumbled down around us. I remember being at peace with all of these things as well. I remember not realizing how bad it was until being removed from the situation. We made due with what we had. We lived simply and though we did not have materialistic items, we did have each other. And that was always enough.

I look at the house I am sitting in now and am still awestruck. I remember the day we moved into our house and the culture shock that overcame me as I felt like I was no longer living the life of a cavewoman. I remember my boys sitting next to the toilet for 45 mins and watching the water spin around in the bowl. I remember their confusion when I showed them how they will now have to shower (without a bucket). I remember the fear in Wilmen's (my nannies) eyes as a flame appeared on the stove. I remember the kids so excited that they could have cold water by putting their cups into the fridge. I remember the pure joy and happiness that overcame each and everyone one of us that day as we finally had a home where we felt safe, where we knew that the illnesses would diminish, where we had 1000000 hiding spots for the nights we wanted to play hide n seek. I am forever grateful for the kindness of those across the world, from complete strangers, from friend's and family, from everyone that has assisted us along this long winding road. Huge thank's to Bridge2Haiti for providing this home to us. Thank you to the Pollination Project for nominating me for the $1000 grant towards our Free English Class for my boys in the tent city. Thank you to the Jacques and Bossence family for coming down and assisting with the re-building of the Tiny's family's house that was destroyed in the hurricane. Thank you to the group of incredible British, American, and Liberian men (and a British woman) who have now entered into my life, as well as my children's lives, who have also offered kindness and support that has brought me to tears numerous times within this past week. Their encouragement and their love for my children has left me with a loss of words. I cannot thank my best friend Maeve Mcgoldrick enough for leading them to me. Maeve, without you, this last year would not have been so bearable. Your sense of humor and your ability to relate to every circumstance that arises has taken the weight of the world off of my shoulders on many occasions. Thank you to all of the volunteers that decided to take some time out of their normal lives to spend their days changing dirty diapers, entertaining my kids, and for participating in a new culture and lifestyle. Thank you to my hometown Chatham, Ontario for hosting fundraiser after fundraiser and for all of your media coverage and ongoing support. Thank you to Sarah Griffith for your advice, your assistance with MANY things, and for being my voice of reason at times when my heart decides it is stronger than my brain. Thank you to my family- who didn't fully understand why I chose to come here- but learned to accept it and assist us in anyway that they possibly can. Thank you to my parents for allowing your 19 year old daughter to take off to the poorest and one of the most dangerous countries in the world to chase her dreams and passion and to continue to stand behind her- I could not ask for better parents. Thank you to my friends who have stuck around while many others walked out due to my choice of lifestyle- thank you for understanding and for being there for me whenever I come home and carrying on with our relationships as if I never left. Thank you to Justin Parkinson for being an extra set of hands whenever and wherever I need them and for also being a friend that I can talk to and vent with about absolutely anything. The friends I have created in this past year never seize to remind me by their steadfast that truth, beauty, and goodness exist in this world even during our darkest days. And that no matter what, there are and always will be people loving people through thick and thin.

This is just the beginning of the rest of my life. I can't wait to look back twenty years from now and remember right now, this very moment as my kids are running around downstairs and lilly is dancing and singing to her own tune. I can't wait to watch my children grow into the people I hope and know that they will become. I am truly blessed and forever grateful. I have everything that I could ever possibly want right here in front of me.

A Breath of Fresh Air..

This week I have learned how beautiful life truly is- even amongst heartache, loss, and difficult situations. We can mope around and dwell in self pity or we can choose to LET GO. To see and to indulge in the beauty around us and appreciate that we are alive. I look into the little smiling faces covered in dirt and without clothes and see how genuinely happy they are. They enjoy life just because of its simplicity. We held hands- all of us- different races, different social classes, different dreams- and we became united as one as we shared a connection as we stood on the top of the mountain hand in hand. We shared a brief moment of happiness, or relaxation, as we overlooked the chaos below. These kids amaze me, they take in every little thing that surrounds them. If we participate in human nature- raw nature- we become our truest selves. Forget the opinions of others, forget expectations, forget jealousy and greed. Let go of the negatives and just breathe in the positives. Stop worrying what others portray you as, you know who you are, focus on that. We need to enjoy our earth, our land, and most of all enjoy other human beings. Take in their beauty and overlook their shortcomings. I find that instead of accepting everyone and trusting and believing that we all are the same deep down, we are constantly looking for flaws in one another and trying to belittle each other. We are meant to love one another, yet quite too often I witness us doing the complete opposite. There is too much competition, hostility and selfishness. We can chose to let go of this, we can chose to let go of the idea in our mind that everyone is out to get us, that everyone is going to hurt us, we must take time to understand, to realize that not one person out there is perfect, we all have our own flaws and our own demons- yet everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves to be happy. On top of that mountain today I realized that I need to take more time to appreciate things, to sit down and relax, and to stop trying to change things that I ultimately have no control over. I have fully realized today that I am so much more when I have less. I am the happiest when I have dirt covered feet, less food, no materialistic objects, and just love surrounding me. I know now why these kids on this mountain have the most beautiful smiles. They understand what it means to truly be alive. They may have nothing, but they do have each other, and in totality- that is everything.